I (Dis)Like the Thorn in My Flesh

Since the time my memory started recording things as a small child, I can remember my mother telling me many times, "The Bible doesn't say we have to like everyone, but we do have to love everyone." How blessed I am to have a mother who sensed the snare in my personality right away. I have always had an annoying need to feel liked by every single person I meet; and, likewise, to like every single person I meet. Haaa! Haaa! Haaa! You can imagine why my mother repeated the aforementioned phrase often. No one likes everyone. No one is liked by everyone. Facts. I have had to process a lot of disliking -- both ways -- in my silly little life. So, thankfully, my mother began the separation of two completely different concepts in my mind before I could even comprehend them.

And I feel like Jesus did the same here (well, I guess my mom got it from him), with different language (in our translations, at least): Matthew 5: 46-48 -- "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? ... And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? ... Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

"To like" a person involves a neutral emotional impulse. We either like someone, or we do not like someone. Perhaps, given an increased amount of time with a person, the feeling can alter from like to dislike, or vice versa. But liking someone or disliking someone is simply an emotional impulse based on individual characteristics.

"To love" a person involves commitment to another person's well-being, no matter what it costs. Paul defined love with a lot of beautiful -- but difficult -- virtues in 1 Corinthians 13. It has nothing to do with liking a person, agreeing with a person, or being buddy-buddy with a person. But it is nice when we are called to love those we naturally like, isn't it?

A couple of weeks ago I was pushing my child on a swing at the park. My mind was trying to solve some relational issues I have. Seriously, readers, two ridiculous things are on my mind all day, every day: 1) Why doesn't So-and-So seem to like me? She didn't like that Facebook post. (I HATE (and adore) all the stupid "Like" buttons on Facebook. Man, they feed my weakness like none else.) She became really distant after I said that during our conversation. Blaaah. Blaaah. Blaaah. And 2) Jesus has placed people in my life I do not like. I love them and do care for their well-being. But because of that dislike I feel for them, the irritation in their presence, and because I am a verrrrry weak human, I avoid some of the service that Jesus places in my hands. (That is a confession, and I am honestly sure I am not prepared for repentance of that one yet.)
 
The thought came to me while I mentally sought solutions, "Man, everything would be easier if everyone just naturally liked everybody." Think about it: Politics. Annoying habits. Weird smells.

My next immediate thought was, "Nothing is good that starts out with 'Everything would be easier if ______.'"

And then I praised God because nothing reminds me on a more frequent basis that I am a hard-hearted, selfish, in-need-of-Jesus-Christ's-grace HUMAN more than my inability to like some people.

And, on the other hand, nothing reminds me more that I can only seek my worth in Christ than my neurosis about why So-and-So just doesn't seem to like me at all.

Our small group had a discussion one night about seeking out those who feel alone and without a family in this world to let them know they have a family with Christ's church, to help them feel like they belong. Since then, I have felt incredibly sorrowful (like the rich young ruler who didn't want to give all he had to the poor) because those are the people my heart typically rejects, and I don't want to befriend them. My mind churns for hours a day about how to get people who don't want -- or need -- me to be part of their lives to like me, but I refuse to open myself up to people who not only want -- but need -- relationships with people who are living -- and growing (let's hope, for my sake) -- in God's love. All the missed opportunities. My buried talents.

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited... there was given me a thorn in my flesh... I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses... For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Jesus, thank you for calling me to a higher standard than my impulses. Thank you for being patient with me as your Spirit trains me to commit to the well-being of others -- because right now I am weak and selfish. Thank you for loving me, making me feel the worth of a princess of the Most High, even when I am unlikeable or irritating. Please continue to strengthen your love in my heart as you teach me to love those I dislike, including myself. And may you alone be glorified in whatever strength is gained in the cadence of my weakly beating heart.