The most challenging days in my running pursuit, even more than running up hills and through heat, are recovery days. Those days I have to let my muscles rest and rebuild require intention and reminders of purpose all day long because all I want to do is chase my running high, but I can't. And I shouldn't. Having children has helped me execute the wisdom of recovery because they need me more than I need my running. "Boring" doesn't exist anymore because someone is in constant need and there is always something to do... so recovery days fly by, LIKE ALL DAYS! But they have become very meaningful for my mind and heart, as well as my body, which is stronger and faster than ever, perhaps thanks to the love (in all its many forms) my children need from me.
Work outs tear down our muscles, and a healthy balance of rest and nutrition not only heals those muscles but also adds strength to them each time we wisely use our bodies.
In high school I had a really unhealthy tendency to under-eat and over-exercise (yes, an eating disorder). I wouldn't eat hardly a thing at any meal, and I would exercise at least four hours every day, from morning runs or swim practice to after school runs or soccer practice to pre-bed-time spinning sessions (before I knew the term "spinning") on my stationary bicycle. God has brought me out of that terribly insecure place of seeking my worth in my appearance and activity, but it is still a temptation of mine to over-do pretty much everything if it makes my body feel clean and strong. In those days, I couldn't go as far or long as I can now because I wasn't fueling my body, and I wasn't letting it rest and recover. I was just wearing away, not thriving. I had amenorrhea (no period) for more than a year because my body was so worn. Excellence just could not happen by that method.
I moderately exercised through college, but after what I just told you about my high school days... you may understand why I didn't go all-in to exercising for a while. I had to learn wisdom first because I (still am tempted to) let it consume me if I do not remain alert and mindful. Shortly after we were married I was in a situation where I could exercise significantly every day of the week. And even though I was older (and a very wee, tiny bit wiser) I got to where I would run six miles every day of the week but one. I injured my foot. I couldn't walk without a limp for three weeks... no running during that time either. My muscles couldn't get stronger because I was just tearing them, not letting them grow.
Then I got pregnant with our first. I did not run while pregnant with him.
I did run after he was born. Running is my therapy. It clears my head. It helps me pray and seek God in my mind and my heart. Running aids the confidence I need to be connected to other people. My husband knows this about me, and he always helps me find any time I need to fit it in.
So since we've had our first, and now our second, I have learned--scratch that, I have NOT learned yet... But life now demands that I be wiser in action. Run, recover, run, recover. Little people need me. I still nurse our toddler a couple times a night. I am figuring out homeschooling. I have active friendships and family relationships. I cannot run every single day right now. And that is GOOD for me. I have never been stronger or faster.
Even though I really just want to go on my long, head-clearing runs every.single.afternoon when our littler is napping and our bigger is having quiet time, I have other responsibilities. And I now realize how precious each ounce of time and energy are for expending myself over all the blessings I have been given.
So how do I handle recovery days? Do I feel antsy and snappy? Yep. At first.
But God is teaching me to find my rest in Him, in His Word, in constant conversation with Him. Not only do my kids require my time and energy, but they require my love. And nothing motivates me to get over my selfish, addicted, irritable behavior than wanting to express to them how wonderfully made and loved they are.
And seeing them with my eyes gives me a peek of how God sees me.
So recovery days for strengthening my running muscles have also become reflection days for strengthening the love and weakening the insecurities in my heart.
Father-God, thank you for Your faithfulness to teach me through my years of (continued) foolishness. The more I learn about You, and life, and others... about myself... the more peace and contentment I discover. I have a long way to go. You know that without You I am an insecure, worn out, over-achieving MESS. But, with You, some good growth and strength are building. I can feel Spirit's tree blossoming in my heart, and although it is beyond my comprehension how you could, I believe You let Your Son's righteousness cover me and transform me... Thank You.
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