This time of year I am thinking of all the consuming and giving to share with others. What will we eat? What can I bake? How can I help clean up messes and try not to leave any in our three-boys wake? Who might see the house I can’t keep clean? And what will I get our kids for Christmas to build them up and yet let them be kids? And what will I get the extended family I don’t really know? And how can we enjoy as many fun events as possible? And how can we help the sorrowful? How will I deal with the guilt of receiving more than I can give back, no matter how hard I try? Oh, and how will I be able to be a comforting, encouraging presence when I’m such a wreck about all this external stuff? And I huff, and I puff, and I fall down in exhaustion because most of those thoughts are motivated by people-pleasing more than gratitude, by pride more than love. (Most of) the thoughts in and of themselves aren’t wrong; but the motivation changes their essence and affects their effects on me.
Practicing healthy thoughts for fruitful behavior has become a necessary art process for me during every day... but especially holidays. My relational energy is a precious commodity in high demand this time of year, so I must learn how to make the best of it... not the •most• but the *BEST*. When it comes to receiving God’s gifts, or anyone’s, I have a prideful side that tries to compensate for shame by pretending to be humble and rejecting what He wants me to claim for multiplied blessings toward others; and then I have another indulgent side that only wants to take whatever I can get without any responsibility to make a return on it. Both of those things exhaust me and dry up what He meant for reaping a harvest. Finding a balance, of feeling beloved despite my undeserving status, and then being able to receive and then give and then continue the exchange in a whole, healthy, bold way is my goal. And it changes from each season and circumstance, so it’s usually a constant rhythmic transformation. I am more whole now than I was ten years ago. And in fifty years, I will be even more whole. And so on...
The holidays are expectant with the joy to saturate pleasant experiences. Many people look forward to the nostalgic sense of remembered childhood joys. But something has been lost between childhood and adulthood, and by the time the holidays come, some of us feel drained before it’s time to pour. I wonder if it is an adult’s compulsion to say thanks in a noticeable way, and then do the right things to be perceived as grateful — which comes more from a lust to be seen as righteous than to give a proper appreciation for what matters most. How many of us exhaust ourselves to display a false sense of humility to mask a real existence of pride?
Needed rest slips through our fingers to portray a perfect dining environment that will get us compliments but cost us energy for connecting with others.
Saying yes to too many responsibilities, instead of doing well with a reasonable amount, takes away a cheerful generosity and replaces it with resentment and exhaustion.
Not gently and kindly speaking up about a need or desire for something we want to give, organize, initiate, or remove from the packed schedule, etc. allows interactive confidence to atrophy and social anxiety to spread.
A pull to make the remainder of the holiday season excessively and unnecessarily magical, with perfectly detailed plans, can steal quiet moments of relational connection between us and our loved ones by snatching away precious time in an already too-limited window. And for what? Hmm? Some of those plans strengthen our bonds. Hold on to those. Find them. And then let go of the ones that fray the bonds with jagged stress.
Sometimes I compliment people, and I can tell it is hard for them to utter “Thank you” because they feel by acknowledging something good about themselves they are being egotistical or glory-hog-esque. Or am I just projecting my own feelings on that situation? (*winky face*) But I think we do the same thing with God. It’s a little different because He is inside our minds and hearts. How many of us don’t claim what He is handing to us because we’re so centered on how we’re lacking strength to boldly perform a task or too undeserving to accept something pleasant?
Instead of focusing on how limited or undeserving I am, when I focus on how beloved I am, God can place gifts in my hands that I will be empowered to accept and then multiply for others as a sincere thank offering to Him.
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:13
God is our Father, and He wants us to be filled with His gifts. Kids want gifts. Grandparents and parents enjoy giving children gifts in the holidays. What’s better? The kids aren’t all fussy about how they didn’t get us something to reciprocate or earn it… they just have fun! We as parents constantly sift which gifts are best, the intangible and material, for their joy and growth. God probably smiles when you lay down to nap after getting up at 5 a.m. to prepare a feast for your family; He understands if you don’t make the most of every coupon in your wallet and every sale on Black Friday because you were spending time with your loved ones over a conversation and a meal or a board game; He is okay if you only have time and money for one service project, instead of the five that will come to your attention over the next few weeks. And when you take time to do those things, then it’s easier to joyfully do someone’s dishes while they rest, or enjoy a conversation while doing dishes together. Taking time to play with your kids and discover the perfect gift for them by knowing them is an even better gift than what you’ll receive in the Amazon box soon.
We’re all still learning how to do life best. Communicate about what makes you a strong vessel. Let others communicate about what makes them strong vessels. Help each other do hard work and restful work. And then work together to whittle away the things that steal true joy and cultivate the things that help it blossom.
Are you feeding your soulful gratitude with your expressions this week, or are you feeding your bottomless pride about what you assume others expect of you? Give thanks, a real and pure and filling thanks that flows into all the other stuff naturally by really, truly, deeply, sincerely claiming what the people who love you want you to have, by accepting what the loving Father wants you to have as children in His house. We can never outgive Him, just like our kids can’t outgive us. So He isn’t expecting that. Stop expecting it of yourself, and just be free to feel joy. And then keep it up through the other seasons and next year’s holidays — because it isn’t an arrival at perfection, but it’s a journey through progress.
Happy Thanksgiving. Give thanks happily. Or joyfully. Give thanks joyfully. That’s better. Joy can have hope even when life has no happiness, as I sadly understand many lives experience at times. Let God love on you; that creates the kind of thanks He can work with.
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