2017 :: Our Teacher of Overcoming

As 2017 ends, Justin and I have been praising God for HIS faithful goodness. Our year has had extreme happiness and extreme sorrow and everything in between. We have handled some of it well and some of it poorly, as well as a range of character traits in between. We thank Jesus for the kind, patient, brave freedom He has provided for us to grow into the hearts He has cleansed through all.the.adjustments. That's the message we want all to hear! 2017 has proved to us in clearer ways that with God at our helm, being our True North in overwhelming times, we really can overcome struggles -- and struggles aren't pretty or scripted, and that is the way it is. We will enter 2018 with much growth left to do through unknown times of emotional heights and depths, but we are also kinder, braver, stronger, and more deeply joyful than ever before.

In July I drove from Tennessee to Oklahoma and back with our 5-month-old to see The Pioneer Woman's Mercantile store. I did not expect she would be there to meet. Wow! She is as kind as she seems!
Not the most important part of our year, but definitely a fun moment that portrays the courage I am finding to be myself.
(Adventuring alone and traveling out West is a big part of me. Ha!)

I am going to recap our year as briefly as possible. 

• The happiest part of the year was the birth of our third child at the end of February. We are unspeakably thankful God chose us to be the parents of three mighty, darling boys. We could not have imagined or chosen better for our life than what God has given. The challenges and rewards of parenting alongside God's grace are the marrow of our existences.

• The saddest part of the year, probably the lowest of our lives, was losing my husband’s father in July. He took his own life. This event affects so many deeply, and I don’t feel worthy to say much about it here because of the sensitive nature. But we are so thankful for the people who support us and pray for us. Please keep my mother-in-law in your prayers, as her life will continue to require a lot of adjustments that seem gigantic in a grievous, soul-draining time. She is a sincerely strong person. 

• Homeschool — in January, we chose to enroll our then-kindergartener in a private school, after I homeschooled him during the fall semester. I was very pregnant with our third child, and the depression and anxiety I’ve fought my whole life were knocking us all down. We are so thankful for opportunities and means to adjust certain steps when the needs arise. Bridger does well wherever he is, and he thrived in that environment of friends and leadership. However,  we are homeschooling again for this first-grade year. I obsess about how every little thing I don’t know how to do or don’t do well affects who he’ll be as a man... but this year is going better. We will pray and decide with each school year what is best for the qualities and meaning we hope to cultivate in our relationships with our kids as they meet the world. I pray even more than I obsess about it... Lots of growing left to do!

• My husband’s work continues to amaze me. He works for an online university as his full-time job, and he has a successful baseball card business that he runs on the side. I can’t thank him enough for putting the competency God gave him with business matters (an amazing wonder to me—lol) together with the joy of his hobby and lots of early mornings and late nights to support our debts, expenses, and hopes. Check out Burl’s Sports, if you’re interested.

• I have running goals and writing goals that are still blurry as I test my thrice post-partum strength and abilities through the demanding attention and energy required be Mommy. I am learning how to be kind to myself. Because no one dislikes me more than I do. But I am truly grasping how short my time here is, and God has shown me possibilities that excite me for reaching people with my weirdness -- and soaking up His gifts. Lots of prayer and journey... 

• We have a wonderful local church family, as well as so many people all over from our past who continue to show us how to love like God in little and big ways. So many of you wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ have loved us through our ignorance, immaturity, and youth toward becoming more like Jesus... we know this will be the case, no matter our age, and many of you have showed us how we want to pay it forward. This locally includes my mom, stepdad, and my sister and her precious family; and Justin's family a few hours away. We are very blessed. Part of me has always wanted to live alone in a tipi on a mountain because relationships are hard... Learning how to be strong, wise, and kind -- and to let others do the same, without codependency -- important work. So many of you are continuing to show me, with the Spirit’s whispers of meaning, how rich friendship and companionship are. I haven’t felt this safe and courageous about this kind of thing before. I am soberly thankful.

The future will hold darkness and light, evil and good, happiness and sorrow; we are ready for it (as we pray and seek continually).