I am not new to blogging, but this is my new blog. Welcome!
Six months ago I deleted my blog I really liked. I have this annoying tendency to please people. It works out well when I am around only one person or a certain group of people with like minds... but, um, let's be honest, that means it works out for the span of time it takes to blink. That blog came out of my new mothering perspective, and I covered everything from my passion for breastfeeding and cloth diapers to my vision of politics (ugh...). Even with that annoying tendency to be a social chameleon, I write what I feel and believe is right and I do so boldly. Anyway, that led to connections with friends of similar thoughts, it warranted passive-aggressive comments from acquaintances who dislike my opinions, and it weathered bold disagreements from deep religious and personal beliefs of others... And all of those things are natural. And good to accept and process.
BUT. Why did I delete that blog? I got scared of hurting people's feelings (because that hurts my feelings) and I ran to hide.
A couple days after I deleted that blog to no one's knowledge (not even my husband's), my older brother told me over the phone, because of what he read on that blog over the past months, that he believed my courage and work with written words may truly be useful one day for Christ's kingdom if I persevere and grow with it.
When I deleted my blog I in effect buried that talent my Master gave me. (It may still be just one measly talent, but it will not increase if I bury it.) Matthew 25:14-30
I'm not saying this blog will make THAT glorious impact for Christ's kingdom, but I do know I have been missing the voice I squelched the last six months. When I lose my voice and can't communicate, I get grouchy -- like down in my soul cranky and lost.
Our little boy is almost two-and-a-half years old, and one of the main things we re-learn from teaching him Bible stories is that God is with us and we are to be strong and courageous. I may not be fighting a mean giant or battling an army trying to enslave God's chosen people, like my imagination is wont to pretend. But my lowly days as a MDO pre-school teacher and stay-at-home mom do present significant challenges to my family's future, and the powers of darkness are battling me, trying to prevent any positive growth for Christ's kingdom that have been entrusted to me.
I have learned a lot in my 28 years, and I know I will learn a lot more, even if I only live another year; but one thing I have learned is that I am supposed to use the passions and talents God has given me, and He will choose the time and place to make the right difference. My passions are different than yours. Your talents are different than mine. The places we are in familial, cultural, and geographical spaces are not the same, so, naturally, we have different perspectives and opinions. I believe mature people understand this and let peaceful or abrasive interactions with others sharpen them as iron against iron (like Proverbs 27:17 says), without letting it become a festering wound of unforgiven resentment or shame.
This Dr. Seuss quote has been in my head lately: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
To some extent, I believe this is true--in that we should OWN who we are at this moment and be okay with where God has brought us in our personal maturing processes. My 2.5-year-old will not turn into a 5-year-old overnight by anyone's will (Thank the Lord; it is all happening so fast.). He must go through each of the more than nine hundred days between now and then to mature in mind, body, and spirit. He can see how tall a 5-year-old is, and that a 5-year-old can write words and climb that tall tree, but that doesn't mean my son will do those when he wakes up tomorrow. I may deeply admire and respect the 70-year-old ladies I know who love the Lord and serve others or the extroverted and driven young Christians I see paving a path for relationships with Christ--and they are necessary and excellent role models for me to watch and imitate--but I can become that no sooner than the Lord's plan and provisions for ME allows. (I know we all have different maturing rates, in body and spirit, but I hope the metaphor holds and makes sense.)
The only thing I don't think is absolutely true in the Dr. Seuss quote is that those who matter don't mind. Encouraging words from friends build me up, but, boy, nothing makes me sharper than when the sparks fly in an adult disagreement. Agreements and disagreements are all necessary. We implement changes that can build us into better people. And we discard (forgive, forget, leave at the feet of Jesus) what does not hold true in our personal walks with Christ.
So I'm back. I feel bad because I do not have time to read blogs these days, so I don't expect anyone to read my many words. If you do, feel free to sharpen and encourage me as you see fit. I worked at a newspaper after college. I thought mean comments on Facebook were rough; but it is pretty difficult to sit through a phone call with someone who misunderstood the words I wrote for a whole city of people I live near to see. My editor reminded me that I would grow tougher skin... and someone I cannot remember but whose words I can recall told me to grow a tougher skin and a softer heart.
