Dear Nicoll,
You know that meme that says cleaning your house while your children are in it is like chewing an Oreo while you brush your teeth. You absolutely get the futility of that, and not just on a literal or household level, don't you? You live in it 24/7/365 with your over-thinker, sweet girl. The suffering and folly you witness nags at every cell in your body, leeching your stores. You have friends and family you care for, near and far. You’re connected to the globe through technology. The desire to fix all the messes you see in the lives around you or the ones in DC or the ones across an ocean become as futile, tedious, and impossible as the ones in your own walls. You feel exhausted and scared. You want people you admire to acknowledge your striving. Please drown out distractions, even good ones, and listen to My voice and let Me help.
My abundance growing inside of you is still a mystery. You are limited by your body, mind, sin, emotions, place in time and space. Your hopes are deep and wide, actually starting to outgrow your fears. This makes me smile. Spirit is tending your garden, no matter how many weeds or pests or weather strike you.
I want you to be still enough and careful enough this year to regulate your response to the needs around you. When your boys go with you to the store at Christmastime, you teach them the wisdom of not buying all.the.things because money and time and personhood are limited. You are learning how limited your time and energy are, as you care for little ones, a task I smile over and bless, no matter how this fast-moving world glosses over it. You appreciate that if you can hone the right resources to the wisest choices that I can manage a lot of good from your tiny, precious, specifically-selected-for-you-by-ME corner of the universe.
Just as you understand that following your boys to clean up every crumb or crumpled sock would be needlessly draining and could take every second of your hours; just like you comprehend how teaching them to be responsible for themselves takes a lifetime of practice and re-tries, not simply one or two corrections; just like you pray they don’t become overwhelmed by all this world’s distractions to the point of either greedy self-combustion or neglectful apathy: you understand the importance of stewarding discernment about the opportunities before the path I’ve given to you. And, Nicoll, please remember it’s not a path you must neurotically and immaculately service. Yes, it does require constant vigilance, but not endless nitpicking.
I know you worry about your loved ones. You want to fix their feelings. You want to fix their follies. Some of it is from a pure-hearted love, but you also don't want their shrapnel to whack you unexpectedly if you could control everything. Girl, that is not your job. Keep maturing in loving-kindness toward others; and keep maturing in letting go of their messes. You have proved to yourself repeatedly how incapable you are at saving others. Leave that to Me. And maybe you’ll have more energy to just tenderly abide in the time and place I selected for you, more energy for loving when you're not so concerned about fixing.
You know my Father, Spirit, and I live and move and care for each of your loved ones even more than you do. I have proved to you repeatedly how I can handle each situation with steadfast salvation, even the heart-breaking ones that leave you with more questions and need for trust than tangible likability. Yes, you believe and know I am Sovereign enough to choose the right times and places for the countless billions of humans I’ve created and with whom I abide. You don’t have to carry my heartbreak or wonder about it. You're starting to sense how deep and wide and magnificent my plan for salvation of all creation is, not how limited and exclusive other insecure people have made it seem. That’s frankly none of your concern, and of course you can’t manage it. I can. I am.
So this year, stop getting overwhelmed by everyone’s problems. Be a steward to your own problems and a loving fellow human to others when they deal with their own. Maybe you will find ways to help, and maybe the best help will be to mind your own problems while others seek Me in their own. Remember that prayer I taught you that has been helping you with your internal boundaries of overwhelming people and future concerns: "My Father, who lives in Heaven..."
Your path will cross with others. Sometimes the traffic will be frustrating and heart-wrenching. My One path is masterfully fed by gazillions of meandering and unique lives that intersect and weave in and out of each other. I am mysterious, and you can trust the good you all so desperately seek. Keep your eyes on me, your North Star. Help others look up to see Me. But you’re not driving their path, you can’t make them look, you can't carry them on your back, just show them where they can spy me and pace yourself.
Show your children Holy Management: how to peacefully accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Don't give up when you have things left to learn. That's a good sign you're truly alive.
Love,
Jesus, the Savior of each rhythmic, constructive, mysterious year
