Constantly Available Peace in Unexpected Seasons

This weekend moved a few things to new places for us since Friday morning. I guess I'll start from the simplest to the "biggest".

DISCLAIMER: The positive things I recount in this post only came after I began the day as a weepy, worried mess who had to pray for peace and be consoled by my husband before I could even start breakfast.

Little Love had a fever all through the night, and it has stayed between 100 and 101 all morning. He is trying to play as hard as he can with his big brother, but he had to stop for some mommy milk and what I hope will be some quality rest. I thought we might just have a cuddly story morning with books and a show, but, SURPRISINGLY, we got homeschool going with a nice circle time, and Big Love is doing his worksheets while I take this break with his little brother. We talked about our emotions at circle time. Big Love doesn't like to admit the negative emotions, but I thought it was very sweet when he told me he felt anxious because his baby has a fever. Then he prayed with request and thankfulness (because we talked about Paul's instructions for handling anxiety in Philippians 4). The morning has been nice, despite my initial doubt, and only because I felt it, owned it, and let loved ones help me give it to God.

Maybe you're wondering, "Nicoll, did you really freak out that bad because your littler one has a pretty mundane fever?"

Well, that wasn't all of it.

My heel is hurting! You guys, my half marathon is less than three weeks away. I feel anxious! Last Monday, I could very realistically expect to run my first half in well under two hours... but yesterday I had to walk instead of run because my heel is hurting. And it hurts worse today. Yikes! I can't tell if it is my Achilles tendon or plantars fasciitis. It hurts on the outer side/back of my heel, not really under nor directly on the back. If any knowledgeable friends have advice, please feel free to begin a conversation with me. I had plantars fasciitis ten years ago, and it took MONTHS to heal, so my worst-case-scenario negativity made me jump to conclusions yesterday, and I felt freaked out. Ahh!!! I plan to stay off my feet for a few days, and rub all the essential oils my mom and sister have for it. Of course I pray for healing because I want to attack my half with the best I presently have. But, more than foot health, I want God's peace; because in health or sickness, God's peace is available to me. And if I choose to walk by Spirit, it's mine. I tripped and fell on my face this morning (not literally), but I let God pick me up and dust me off. I may or may not have foot pains for this half marathon, but, either way, I will have a best and a fastest to give that day, comparable to nothing but where God has me in that moment. I have my preference, obviously, but I have peace either way... even if God has to pick me up all the times I figuratively trip and need reminders.

Another thing that has changed for our fall: a pregnant friend in the church here, who was a fellow English major in college many moons ago, asked me if I could sub for her maternity leave for her sophomore and junior American Literature classes at a private Christian school in town from mid-October until Christmas break. Yes, she had looked everywhere else and was desperate! Haha! But I have been praying for the past few weeks for God to give me some confidence and resources, and this fits that answer exactly -- although, THIS answer was way beyond my imagination. My husband and I prayed and planned, and I will be "teaching" high school while my friend is with her new darling. Not a career change by any means, just a temporary opportunity! My sister will be watching our boys (along with her three darlings under 3). She is a very peaceful, positive person, and she will rise to this challenge beautifully! My mom cheerfully agreed to help in case of emergencies. What about homeschool? I plan to send Big Love with a packet of activity sheets, and we will go over them in the afternoons when I get us back home. Our breakfast and bed time Bible/reading times will still happen. It may not be smooth, but rough roads function too. Everything came in to place, and we are all praying for courage to bless those in our unexpected path this fall. Haha! I feel led, excited, and in need of God. :)

Father-God, thank you for getting to know us through easy and difficult times, through wellness and illness, through expected and unexpected circumstances. You are constant, and even in our world of totally inconsistent and unpredictable events, YOU always are available abundantly to Your Children. Please always keep me sensitive to my hunger and thirst for You. I always need You, whether or not I feel it. Keep my blinding distractions and numbing bitterness in their place, not as barriers to my relationship with You. Thank you for weakness and humility, even though I don't like them, because You become very comfortably present even in those situations. I want to see Your face, as You feel I am ready for it. Thank You for Spirit's help because of Your Son. You are a really good Father. Thank you, in Jesus.

Discouragement is an Important Part of Growth

My first half marathon is three weeks from today. I have been feeling strong and confident. In my head all days, I imagine how much faster and stronger I will become, and I have huge racing goals (for other future races) in the mental works. Maybe I should just focus on this October 17 half first.

This past week I hit a wall. And no matter what I did, I couldn't bounce over it or break through it.

We have been crazy-busy with life and loved ones and homeschool. Maybe that's why I am so exhausted? Or maybe nursing a toddler too many times in the night is finally catching up with me (my choice)? Or maybe the increase in mileage and speed are naturally requiring more of me, which translates to tiredness as my body catches up in strength.

Whatever the reason, I felt super discouraged this week. My muscles felt sore no matter the activity, rest, or stretching I gave them. And my long run kept getting pushed back by good but unexpected plans. It ended up at bed time last night, after we were at the zoo most of the day. I wanted to do 12 miles, and before the run I had to find the will and wisdom to push my drained self but not cause an injury.

I stopped at 8 miles in 64 minutes. I am trying to be encouraged I kept an 8-minute pace, but the disappointment of lesser mileage distracts me. And one day I want a 7-minute pace (for long distances). That distracts me too. My feet were aching and every muscle begged for stillness. My cardio was great -- if I had buffer feet, my lungs could run 1,000 miles.

Part of my soreness was my additional cross-training for an obstacle course 4-miler I am doing with a friend on Halloween. I have been adding planks, push ups, and burpees to the mix. It hurts so good to discover forgotten muscles.

Anyway, after my 8 miles last night, I cried to my husband about how discouraged I felt this week. I ran 11+ miles last week and felt so powerful, but every.single.day this week I had to nurse and push through exhaustion. Bah!

My wonderful husband has peace about him most humans don't exhibit. I feel so blessed to be in his presence and influence.

He knows the plans I have for running. He sat beside my sweaty, sad self late last night and reminded me that if I plan to accomplish some of these speeds and distances, then some days are going to be sore and tired. It is part of doing something out of the ordinary and growing. I can't expect to feel strong and powerful every day because I am not there yet... I am getting there.

Running trains my thoughts and emotions through prayer and meditation as much as my body. Praying to be wise and find the will to either act or wait, and to find the clarity for what's best, varies on the encouraging to discouraging spectrum as much as speed and distance.

Father-God, what can wash away my sins and grow Spirit's fruit in me? Not running, not people's opinions, not success -- nothing but the blood of Jesus. I thank You for allowing me the health and opportunity to seek Your face through running now. Please keep giving me wisdom and will to GROW, whether that means to act or to wait in a given moment. Please connect me to the people and purposes You want in my part of Your plan. Thank you, in Jesus the Christ's name.

Homeschool: Learning New Habits, Curriculum

Big Love drew this during quiet time in his room last week. This is a football player on the Police team. See how he sounded out "police" and wrote the correct sounds (PLES) on the helmet. Oh, English phonics.
This was his own choice to draw and write, with no direction from me.
I feel really good about all the practice we are doing with letters.
Kids amaze me.

Last week was our second of intentional pre-K homeschool, and since it left me a little discouraged, I feel more pumped this morning to make this week better.

I dislike planning every minute of each day because I want to leave room for God's nudging in our life; I don't want to miss his better-than-ours ideas.

I do like boundaries and structure and guidance; I want to grow in an upward and forward maturity (in person or whatever goal is before us).

Considering both those concepts, I want to know what we need to accomplish each week and be sure those goals are a priority; but if a need arises in our community, then I don't want school to be more important than love. Does that make sense? Asking God for discernment is so important for me each day because sometimes I get lost without proper boundaries amidst all.the.needs. We could be swept up in fun AND work all of every day without any plans for it; our lives are ripe with good opportunities. And I get anxious about being sure homeschool is taken seriously by me so that others will understand its significance. Is any of this making sense?

By the time we register him with the appropriate authorities for homeschool kindergarten next year, I want to be sure I have the correct resources to know what he should know and by when. I get rerally anxious baout this, so then I just pray and remember by then I will know what I need to know. That's what this year is for.

Another big challenge is the age and developmental discrepancy between our almost 5yo and almost 2yo. some of thhe things we do together. However, the little one has not figured out how to entertain himself while Big Bro is working, and Big Bro wants to play when Little Bro does figure it out. We have made it work so far... but it is not natural yet. And it drives me a little bananas.

This week I look forward to learning more about the curriculum I chose from Oak Meadow.

I chose it because of something the author calls contraction and expansion. Contraction is when the parent(s) works with the children, and expansion is when children and parents work separately. Breakfast, lunch, supper, and bedtime are important contraction times (parents and kids together), and that fits well with the way we already do things.

The dentist and zoo will be part of this week, so I look forward to working those into our schoolweek as "field trips" with fun activities.

Now that cooler temperatures are coming, I have begun running in the mornings, which is different than fitting runs in on the treadmill during nap/quiet time or when my husband gets off work and plays with the boys. I find myself craving the stillness, peace, and beauty of sunrise. My younger self would think I am nuts... but I am really excited about my morning time, which I hope will make more time for learning curriculum and chores and all sorts of other necessary things in the afternoons.

The sunrise as seen between our neighborhood and the next one over.

Father-God, please help me walk step-by-step with You so I can make the better choices for our time, energy, and resources from moment-to-moment. Please help me be kind and forgiving with myself as You make me aware of changes I need to make. Please make our path clear for the next steps at the right time. Please help me set correct boundaries. I am thankful for Your plans for our family so far. Thank you, in Jesus.

Training: Dark Before Dawn & Raisins in My Shorts

Lord-willing, I will be running the Land Between the Lakes Half-marathon in Kentucky on October 17. You can read about it here, if you are interested: https://ultrasignup.com/register.aspx?did=32571.

I am so very excited!  A half has been on my unwritten bucket list (I don't have a written one) for years. Seriously, y'all, I have butterflies about it.

This morning was a long run in my training cycle. I am doing my own thing loosely based on plans friends have done... and I constantly have to pray for wisdom because I want to overdo it every time. I felt my unusually tight hamstrings this week after a combination of great fast runs AND yardwork from last week, so I pushed this week's long run from this past Tuesday to this morning. I did five mile runs a little more slowly on both Tuesday and Wednesday to baby my hamstrings... and they felt really good yesterday, so I felt good about going the distance this morning.

I did 11+ miles, beginning at 5:30 a.m., after nursing our toddler and stretching. I didn't realize just how dark it still is that early, and, given the choice again, I will not begin until 6. Maybe I will if I research running in the dark and get the right equipment. I did wear my bright, reflective running clothes (Thanks, Mother-in-law, for the birthday gift!); but I could not see if there were sticks or rocks or creatures in my path. I am thankful I did not step on the dead armadillo I could only smell on the first loop. Eww...

I am pleased my average time per mile was 8:18. Ideally, I want to run in 8:00 or less... BUT I had to stop and use the restroom at a gas station, and I did NOT stop my Runtastic clock. I left water to drink at the end of our driveway so I could get a drink on the repeat of the loop really fast (without having to carry it the whole way), and I kept the clock going while I downed it. This run had 400+ feet of elevation, at least that my GPS could sense. The half I am running has 1,100 feet of elevation... I am nervous about the hills, but maybe if I don't have to stop and use a tree for plumbing issues (it's in a state park, not a city), and I keep running as fast as I can up the hills in our neighborhood, I can at least do 8:18ish a mile, like this morning. And, since it is my first half, I should probably just be happy to finish... or get it in under 2 hours. We'll see!

The race will have water stops and gu stations along my route. Gu packets are energy and electrolyte slime that runners can down while they're running long distances. I will NOT put that nasty stuff in my mouth or my body. So I have been reading about natural alternatives to on-the-run fuel. A couple of different articles I found on Runner's World suggested a box of raisins. They have an appropriate shot of carbohydrates, but no electrolytes, but I ate some stove-popped corn with my husband last night and got my sea salt intake then. I usually don't feel short on electrolytes while running. If I did need electrolytes, I would bring mashed sweet potatoes with sea salt mixed in that I could store in a tiny bag that I just rip open to suck while running. This morning I brought one of my sons' raisins boxes in the little-bitty pocket inside my running shorts intended for keys or phones... or fuel. A lot of people don't consume fuel for half-marathons, just marathons... but I read a few experienced runners who say around mile 8 or 9 that it does help. So I tested that out this morning. I think with that elevation of 1,100 feet I will need any extra fuel I can get. At about 8.5 miles this morning, I chewed almost half the box while running. It was pleasant to chew and swallow while running, but my body just didn't want anything else entering it, so I didn't need to finish it. I did feel a second wind in my leg muscles after eating them. So I will have raisins in my racing gear. 

Sharing my running experiences causes me a little concern because I am human, and I know other humans give me a gold star for running, and of course I like that. I really don't want this to be about me in a boastful sense. Contrarily, I truly want to share these experiences because of the encouragement I want to pass to others. I get so much encouragement when other people share their stories. I am as normal and weak as a person can be. Some of you may know certain instances of my timidity and discouragement in other life seasons, so you know if I can do this, THEN YOU CAN TOO. And it's because of Christ's Spirit growing life in our hearts. That verse at the top of this blog... We have love, power, and discipline living in us because of our faith in Jesus Christ, y'all. Life is not about getting exercise or winning races, but if certain activities, like running, can grow the courage muscles in our spirits and help us see what God can do through our bodies and minds, then I want every bit of those earthly opportunities to help me learn to walk with Spirit. I cannot live (as in it is NOT possible, not just comfortable) without eating or sleeping; my body needs exercise too. 

I ran through a huge city by myself at sunrise last month; this morning I ran on a highway in the dark; and I have participated in two races -- all things that make the timid flesh in my heart squirm. But do you know how good it feels to overcome your discomforts and fears and learn that you can overcome? It feels so good! It feels way better to do it than not to do it. And, little-by-little, this courage growing in me helps me connect to people I don't know or who are different than me; it helps me attempt experiences that maybe one day can supply resources and connections for just deeds in this fallen world. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that right now I am actually present.

Father-God, thank You for giving us Your Spirit. Thank You that You are such a magnificent Creator that Your Spirit can weave together through out bodies and minds and with each other and experiences to accomplish transformation in our fallen, bitter, scared hearts. Thank You for patience and steadfast growth because this surely does not happen in one day. Thank you, in Jesus. 

Running Influences: Women Run Fast Too!

I have heard three sermons this year about the benefit of surrounding myself with people who have characteristics I admire or desire because of the influence their excellence can have on me. Wisdom and maturity and spiritual fruits were the main idea at those times, but I have come to realize since following certain running companies and individual runners on Twitter, just how true that concept is. (Which is delightful... and TERRIFYING, depending on whom you surround yourself with.)

If any of you are interested in running, I wanted to share this post as an inspiration to discover and reach some of your personal goals.

Turning 30 this past March flipped a switch in my brain. I realize how fast time is flying, but I feel younger than I thought I would, and I want to stop making excuses to not be the best Nicoll I can be. No more letting other negative, insecure, discouraged people affect me. That is my choice. At my best, I will always need Christ's perfection to use my many weaknesses for HIS glory. And I feel like seeking excellence in my personal, unique path from God will give Him more opportunity to expand His glory through my frail being. I am so thankful for the freedom and passion of this emotion that seemed to only come alive very recently in me, maybe since the births of my children, feeling a tiny bit of God's pure love for His children. I want others to have it too!

Running has been a favorite activity of mine for half my thirty years. Until earlier this year, though, I didn't really care about my speed at all. As long as I stayed in motion for a certain distance (6 to 7 miles was my preference) and did what I considered my best, the physical and mental and spiritual benefits of moving and breathing and sweating were thrill enough for me. My average speed THEN was 6 miles in about 55 minutes.

Well--

Then I read about a fast little blond lady named Shalane Flanagan on the day of the Boston Marathon 2015 (April 20). [From this point in the post, click on the names of runners or articles to link to the site... Until I have time to go deeper in format, the linked names are just showing like normal text, but clicking on or touching them will connect you to those other sites. Sorry.]

Picture from https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shalane_Flanagan

I first read about her in this article 10 Moments That Shaped Shalane Flanagan's Life that Women's Running shared on Twitter. Flanagan is an elite American runner who won the bronze medal for the 10,000 meters in the 2008 Olympics. She ran the Boston Marathon 2015 (26.2 miles) in 2 hours 27 minutes and 47 seconds. She was disappointed in herself (what?! You can read that here) and even though she placed ninth that day... she is still my favorite runner... because I read in that first article that as a little girl who'd never trained or ran before, she beat all the boys and girls at her school's one-mile fitness test. In elementary school, with the raw skill God gave uniquely to her, she ran one mile in less than six minutes! Running is her calling, and she is living it. Also, she ran a 10K in 30 minutes and 34 seconds!!! You guys! You gals! That, at the time I read this article, was my favorite distance to run, and she did it 24 minutes faster than I did. Most people finish a 5K in that time. So I just became fascinated with her, and I keep up with her on Twitter. Her success motivates me to fight for my best. I doubt I will ever run THAT fast... but now I can do my six miles in 47 minutes, which is 8+ minutes faster than I even tried before I read about her. And that was just about five months ago. How fast will I be in five more months? How fast will I be when I stop nursing my toddler in the middle of every night and get some sleep? (My cute husband says that to me all the time.) ;)

Women's Running and Runner's World have such good articles to read that they share throughout every day on Twitter, and they have also introduced me to Hungry Runner Girl and NYC Running Mama, a little more "normal" women who make a living by loving running and striving for excellence. They are way farther along in running than I am, but they are"normal" enough I feed delusions of achieving their speeds. They are fun gals to read! Check out their sites (links on their names) for posts about their races. They share pics on Instagram and Twitter. I have so much fun believing I can run as far and fast as them in my little corner of the world when I read their stories and see their photos.

Ladies (or men), please don't be afraid to find your unique passion(s), whatever it is -- running, art, business, whatever -- and find people who encourage your confidence. Those of you who know me, and some of the dark seasons I've made for myself, should know that if God can help me become confident and courageous and passionate and ALIVE, that I can find His peace in every day, even if I struggle through the negativity in my brain like I am wrestling a wild, mean monkey, then anyone can! We are each different. Find who God made you to be, and keep letting Him make you. Stop letting silly things insecure people say stop you from becoming your best. 

Father-God, thank you for freedom in Jesus, for a season in our life and in this world when I can seek You through the activity and participants in the running world. God, the Devil can so easily make this an idol, but I commit to you to keep using this as a tool in my life that draws me closer to Your face and the plans you have for me. I know the plans are bigger than exercise and races... please help me see You, wherever You are. Please keep guiding me by Your Word and Spirit. I want to be true to who You made me to be, not to myself. 

First Intentional Week of Homeschool: Not Ideal But Maybe Better

This blog will feature my running pursuits as they affect my faith. We have intentionally and purposefully begun the adventure of homeschooling this past week, so sometimes I will post about that, like today, because it is a significant part of our lives. And since the neuroses (obsessive, ridiculous worry) of my children's future must be closely linked to the clarity of running exercise for forward motion, then you can bet running will be a part of any post in this life-season . In some way.

We listened to my customized classical Pandora station (because classical music will magically make them geniuses, right??? Lol.) which plays Star Wars music and Lord of the Rings often... These were there reactions to the Imperial Death March. Funny boys!

Our older son is almost 5. In pretty much every school system, his October birthday places him in kindergarten next year. This year we will be covering pre-K and kindergarten material to help me prepare the intentional planning and management of curriculum and lessons. We won't register him as a kindergartener until fall 2016. I am purposeful to say we are "intentionally" or "purposefully" doing it now because, honestly, we have been doing it all along. We take learning and character development and projects and especially reading out loud very seriously (and *funly* -- can we please make that a word?) around here. Big Love (the almost 5yo) and Little Love (2 this coming December) follow directions well and look forward to activities. They are already pros. But I personally have to set intentional time boundaries to purpose an education path that will flourish amidst our busy, active lifestyle. Things get lost in the rubble if they are not intentionally picked out and put in a place. For me, this is a challenge!

Perhaps setting time boundaries and official educational paths is my biggest beast to tame. I am the boss. Yikes! I have to take myself seriously (in a gracious way) -- double yikes, triple yikes!!! I am the one who decides what matters most in which moments, from learning to playing to outside relationships and responsibilities and how to make them weave together for my kids' appropriate persons, based on their ages or simply personalities. How flexible or strict must I be for learning success to continue? More than anything I want it to be enjoyable; I want them to crave learning and finding who they are in God, how to share their unique love with others. These experiences and skill acquisition require a patient but disciplined regimin. Can I oil the cogs and keep them moving?

We did it last week--we completed a week of intentional homeschool!!! Even though it did not go as perfectly as I planned, I feel even better than I hoped I would about it. I love it, like I just finished my first week at a wonderful job!

Each week through fall we are going to paint with watercolor those giant oak trees on the other side of our house to track fall's progress. I just told Big Love to focus on the amount of leaves and their colors.

I wanted our house to be in perfect, organized order. I hoped to have a whole day of celebratory kickoff meals. I thought I'd have official lesson plans and activities printed off and ready to go for each day of the week. But some unexpected plans, as well as planned events, on Labor Day weekend stunted those perfectionist preparations. Our house was (still is) covered in toys. I didn't get to the grocery store for special ingredients. I had a very dim vision of planning activities ahead of time; I knew where to start but my creativity was trapped in an anxiety bubble, so I didn't know where to go from there.

And you know what?

The table is easy to clear off, so we had plenty of room for projects.
The toys in the play room were easily put aside for circle time.
My kids aren't big eaters, so they were pleased with their usual meals.
And once we got started, Big Man's educational needs and abilities became clearer than a professionally cleaned window. I now have too many ideas and feel so excited about the future of our homeschooling. I know many days will be challenging and tearful, but I feel confident God will give us what we need when we need it --just like an experienced homeschooling mother told me this past spring.

The age difference between our boys will be challenging this year, as Little Love wants to do every single thing his big brother does and learns to accept that an activity with Mommy will have to suffice until he gets the powerful responsibility of wielding scissors and glue in a couple years.

Last week was full to the brim, but managing time with school actually made it simpler to find time for other important things. I pray I can keep the quiet, still time as important as the active times as they grow up because there are so.many.opportunities to do good things. I need new discernment every day.

I got my 11-mile run in, as well as a few shorter ones, to prep for my half-marathon (<---there was running ;) ). The laundry got started and folded in the same day (what?!), and we spent time with our loved ones, made it to karate class a few times, went on a date. And many other good things.

We will need to stay on track, but homeschool is nice because it allows flexibility for other meaningful things too. Relationships with God and the church, household participation, as well as time for my boys to get to know who they are (I am still getting to know myself, and I will until the day I die), so they can be properly equipped to be independent and critical thinkers, who remain dependent on God, who share with the church to reveal Good News to all people in whatever unique plan God has for each of them, are the hopes and prayers (and run-on sentence material)... and I am sure other things will be made clear as we continue.

Father-God, thank you that my husband and I have been preparing for homeschool together, with You, since our dating days. We pray for your guidance as we equip our boys with knowledge and skills and continued hunger for lifelong learning as children of Yours. Above all, please write courage, confidence, compassion, and faith on their hearts as we pray they choose to  follow Your Son and walk with Spirit. Thank you, in Jesus.

Recovery Days: The Balance My Kids Require Strengthens Me

The most challenging days in my running pursuit, even more than running up hills and through heat, are recovery days. Those days I have to let my muscles rest and rebuild require intention and reminders of purpose all day long because all I want to do is chase my running high, but I can't. And I shouldn't. Having children has helped me execute the wisdom of recovery because they need me more than I need my running. "Boring" doesn't exist anymore because someone is in constant need and there is always something to do... so recovery days fly by, LIKE ALL DAYS! But they have become very meaningful for my mind and heart, as well as my body, which is stronger and faster than ever, perhaps thanks to the love (in all its many forms) my children need from me.

Work outs tear down our muscles, and a healthy balance of rest and nutrition not only heals those muscles but also adds strength to them each time we wisely use our bodies.

In high school I had a really unhealthy tendency to under-eat and over-exercise (yes, an eating disorder). I wouldn't eat hardly a thing at any meal, and I would exercise at least four hours every day, from morning runs or swim practice to after school runs or soccer practice to pre-bed-time spinning sessions (before I knew the term "spinning") on my stationary bicycle. God has brought me out of that terribly insecure place of seeking my worth in my appearance and activity, but it is still a temptation of mine to over-do pretty much everything if it makes my body feel clean and strong. In those days, I couldn't go as far or long as I can now because I wasn't fueling my body, and I wasn't letting it rest and recover. I was just wearing away, not thriving. I had amenorrhea (no period) for more than a year because my body was so worn. Excellence just could not happen by that method.

I moderately exercised through college, but after what I just told you about my high school days... you may understand why I didn't go all-in to exercising for a while. I had to learn wisdom first because I (still am tempted to) let it consume me if I do not remain alert and mindful. Shortly after we were married I was in a situation where I could exercise significantly every day of the week. And even though I was older (and a very wee, tiny bit wiser) I got to where I would run six miles every day of the week but one. I injured my foot. I couldn't walk without a limp for three weeks... no running during that time either. My muscles couldn't get stronger because I was just tearing them, not letting them grow.

Then I got pregnant with our first. I did not run while pregnant with him.

I did run after he was born. Running is my therapy. It clears my head. It helps me pray and seek God in my mind and my heart. Running aids the confidence I need to be connected to other people. My husband knows this about me, and he always helps me find any time I need to fit it in. 

So since we've had our first, and now our second, I have learned--scratch that, I have NOT learned yet... But life now demands that I be wiser in action. Run, recover, run, recover. Little people need me. I still nurse our toddler a couple times a night. I am figuring out homeschooling. I have active friendships and family relationships. I cannot run every single day right now. And that is GOOD for me. I have never been stronger or faster.

Even though I really just want to go on my long, head-clearing runs every.single.afternoon when our littler is napping and our bigger is having quiet time, I have other responsibilities. And I now realize how precious each ounce of time and energy are for expending myself over all the blessings I have been given.

So how do I handle recovery days? Do I feel antsy and snappy? Yep. At first. 

But God is teaching me to find my rest in Him, in His Word, in constant conversation with Him. Not only do my kids require my time and energy, but they require my love. And nothing motivates me to get over my selfish, addicted, irritable behavior than wanting to express to them how wonderfully made and loved they are.

And seeing them with my eyes gives me a peek of how God sees me.

So recovery days for strengthening my running muscles have also become reflection days for strengthening the love and weakening the insecurities in my heart.

Father-God, thank you for Your faithfulness to teach me through my years of (continued) foolishness. The more I learn about You, and life, and others... about myself... the more peace and contentment I discover. I have a long way to go. You know that without You I am an insecure, worn out, over-achieving MESS. But, with You, some good growth and strength are building. I can feel Spirit's tree blossoming in my heart, and although it is beyond my comprehension how you could, I believe You let Your Son's righteousness cover me and transform me... Thank You.

A Seasoned Runner's Brave New World of Racing: A Huge 5K in a Big City With a Friend

If you have read this blog lately or know me, then you are up-to-date with how I have always loved running (though some seasons of my life did not contain it) but only lately found the courage and confidence to enter official races. My first official race was a 5K last week in Clinton, KY (You can read about my win there here).

This morning a friend and I raced in the Chick fil A 5K race series in Memphis. This race was at the opposite end of the spectrum from the little 5K I did last weekend.

First, it was HUGE! Nearly 2,000 participants ran a 3+-mile stretch of road through that pretty city on this peaceful Labor Day morning. The starting line was ridiculously packed for maybe a block? I don't know. I couldn't tell with that many people. Whew!

But I got to experience chip timing because of the size of this race. I'd heard that most races give you a chip you can tie on your shoe laces (genius), but our chips were on the back of our number tags on our shirts (even more genius). Last week, the race only had forty participants, and it was hosted by a church... we were not chip timed. Ha! A lady sat at a table by the finish line and marked our time from the huge timer in the parking lot as we crossed the cones. I was so anxious at the beginning of that race about how we could not all fit equally at the starting line, so I got as close to the front as possible.

I think it is amazing that technology allows the fairness of a huge race to happen, not to mention immediate results! Even though it took nearly a minute for the chunk of people in front of me to even reach the starting line today, I felt peace because I knew my chip made it fair: We all can run at the place where we are on the road. The chip does not begin timing until you pass the start line because some technological doo-hickey (yep, I know all the fancy words) activates it, and then it stops when you cross the finish line because of a doo-hickey there... and then you can go look up your number on a volunteer's tablet and see where you placed overall, in age category, and gender category.

Last week I soared through my race, beating my goal of under 24 minutes in plenty of time. (official: 22:56... but distance was questioned by my personal gps at 3.02 miles).

The friend who ran with me today did awesome. I asked her about five weeks ago to run with me in a race because I knew she was experienced, and she helped me feel braver about racing. Her confidence and willingness and hard work (pushing her adorable 2-year-old in a jogging stroller in Tennessee summer heat) to get back in the running game (she has raced plenty in yesteryears) amazed me. I paced her today, and she got her best time yet. I am so happy for her!

Today God was in our friendship, as well as in finding Spirit's peace about remembering that different events call for different roles. Part of me wanted to see if I could beat my time from last week, but there will be time for that another day. Today I relaxed and just had fun with my friend! I see fun races in our future too ;)

(This is us after we finished:)

Feeling the atmosphere of such a huge race and understanding how chips work for timing have me feeling even more confidence about my half marathon in October... less than six weeks away. (I have butterflies of eager anticipation.)

Father-God, thank you for this morning. You taught me a lot today about seeking Your everlasting Kingdom, instead of building my own, which will just be dust one day. Whew! Thank you for my brave friend who drove to a big city and encouraged me by helping me get race experience as I travel along this adventure. Thank you for my unfathomably supportive husband and adorable children who got out of bed while it was still dark to accompany me and cheer me on Your Way. I am so blessed and I have the best life. Please don't let me get distracted by my own kingdom. If running and racing are tools that can glorify You, please let me continue in this fun. Please don't let me misuse this acitivity for self-worship of any kind. Thank you for the health of my body, the confidence of my mind, and the willingness and peace and good things from Spirit. In Jesus' name, Thank You!