The world is full of people, and each of us has a different perspective and a different role to play in God's glory. With 7 billion + (Is it more now?) people sharing one planet with that many different viewpoints, skills and beliefs, one sighs thinking about the wonder of it all. God's grace really is all that can be holding everything together (Colossians 1:17).
We have a 3.5-year-old and an almost 7-month-old. Every day we have to remind the toddler that just because his brother grabbed his hair and pulled that does not mean that his little brother was trying to harm him. In fact, his infant brother was showing his love and desire for his big brother -- he just doesn't know the correct way to do it yet because he has only the perspective of a brand-new person. As he grows and learns, and we communicate with him, improvements will happen.
Those instances have become a good reminder to me that each of us has different perspectives, and, most of the time, when we cause strife or disagree with others, it is more about the distance in communication than an actual attempt to cause hurt.
How we treat each other through disagreements is significant, though.
This post is an emotional one for me that has been building for months, so I have been praying that God will help me be gracious in my expression of these feelings. It's more for me than others, and to y'all it may be of no consequence, but I know it is a necessary step for me in a current struggle within myself. And, hey, if any of y'all have gone through something similar, let's connect and support each other.
I am introverted, in the sense that being around others drains my energy, but I crave a few deep, quality friendships. The nature of friendships has changed for me since schooldays have ended. I don't see the same people for hours of every day anymore, so being one who needs time to warm up to others in order to feel safe opening up, those connections aren't happening. I've tried blaming how busy everyone is or social networks or the distracted, constant attention required of me as a mother (which I love; being a mommy is my calling; it naturally demands very much attention). But I really think the issue is my own confusion with my own identity. Introspection, always thinking and always processing what is happening around me, is also a large part of my own introversion.
So I'm lonely and I think too much. Thus -- this post.
(My husband is my best friend and a constant source of support for me. He listens to me rant and cry with the utmost patience regularly, and then he reminds me of God's sovereignty in the ways I need, so when I say I am lonely, I mean as far as interactive relationships with other Christians are concerned.)
So when did my identity go blurry? My dad died a little more than eight years ago, while I was in college and before I met my husband (which makes me sooooo sad; I wish they could know each other; I think they'd really enjoy each other's company). He was my favorite person. He made me feel loved and safe and led. He knew what he believed, and he felt passionate about all of it. Following Jesus Christ was most important to him. He left the church for twenty years after someone offended him as a 17-year-old. I don't know all the details, but I know he dealt with a lot through that time apart from God's people, and I am sure it fueled his dependence on Jesus and deep gratitude for salvation (in this life as much as the next). He was patriotic and served with the Marine Corps in Vietnam long before I was born, and passion for the freedoms of this country were deeply engrained in him based on the experiences he would never talk about. He was confident of good versus evil, and he had a clear, distinct sense of the difference between the two in many situations. And, of course, he loved his family. He was a constant, meek (which to me means gentle + firm) disciplinarian, and his goodnight kisses through his scruffy beard and his strong hugs reached my heart. He loved my mother fiercely and encouraged and supported her. I still remember the way he would hug her in the kitchen every evening, like they were the only two in the world. Sigh... I felt so safe and cared for by a leader with a strong, good heart.
I was 21 the day he died, already experiencing how different the world is through a child's eyes versus an adult's eyes. So much more complicated. The loss and grief of death turn things upside-down. Everything changes. My sister and I were already away at college when Dad died (but we were home for a summer break). My mom was an empty-nester and a widow -- so many whammies to peace. I relied on the strength of my dad's beliefs to fuel my own, and that presence all of a sudden disappeared at the time it seemed I needed it most. The thing I liked about talking to my dad when an event of social or political importance occurred was his assurance of right and wrong. He was certain. Where I had a strong role model -- with the perspective of nearly 60 years of life with and without Jesus, as well as war experience -- to answer my questions as I processed events, I now only had cynical 20-somethings with the perspectives of pampered children to tell me how I should feel about things in the world. ... And since I was at a Christian college, pretty much just big church camp for almost-adults, it not only made my sense as a world citizen blurry, but also my identity in the church. And social networking, in which we learn people's opinions before we really get to know them (YIKES!), has continued that fog for me.
Thankfully, my parents did an excellent job of teaching me that God loves me and I should stick with him through all my questions and mistakes. That has never been in question. But today's world is really active, and the global connection we have through the Internet puts Romans 12:2 into overdrive, "...that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." And it's exhausting.
Many examples could be pulled from my memory to illustrate how lost I feel as a member of the church, but this one will be the most effective: Phil Roberston of "Duck Dynasty" is a person I like. A lot. He knows what he believes, and he is sure of Whose he is. Not only that, he has experienced life without and with Jesus... and his heart has changed. I have heard him speak in person, and I've seen him interact with others on a couple seasons of his show. He loves Jesus. And he loves people. It's part of his heart. Now, I am sure most of you remember that a few months ago, Phil didn't think about the expression of some particular words in an interview and how they would affect some very dear humans, who he himself said he respected as creations of God's, before he stuck his boot in his mouth. Yes, he said something stupid that took away from the message of God's love he was trying to express. But all of us say something stupid every now and then; and, if you don't, continue that vow of silence. It's working for you. And if you argue that those words revealed a disrespect from his heart level, I think you need to take a step back and remember who the Judge of hearts is, Who the only Judge of hearts can be. We all have black spots on our hearts, subject to limitations in perspective and personal biases. Jesus had to save us, remember? We can remind each other to put ourselves in the shoes of others without disrespecting each other, or without paying disrespect for disrespect.
Why am I talking about Phil, you ask? Get on with it, Nicoll.
Well, not only did a world that has no knowledge of his perspective from the Bible turn against him, but Christians, who I pray read our Bibles, did too! The tolerant ones, who usually have a good head about them when people make mistakes or become victims of bullying. Uhhh!!! Yes, please continue loving the people lost in sin and seeking to show them God's love and grace, but don't forget to show that to your brothers and sisters when they mess up too. Yes, lovingly correct your brothers and sisters when they make a mistake, but please do so patiently, as God does with you daily. (And one of my favorite things about Phil is that he doesn't need anyone to stand up for him. He is confident. This is not about standing up for Phil. This is about loving each other, as we seek the lost by loving them too.)
As a Christian, I always imagine sitting at this huge table with all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Jesus is at the head with Father-God, and we are feasting and communing, sometimes laughing and sometimes talking seriously. Growing up, my family always used supper-time at the table to talk about our days and our thoughts together. So I imagine every day that I am a part of this big family, processing God's love as it relates to this crazy world that needs him so badly, discussing the reminders we each receive about WHY WE STILL NEED HIM SO BADLY. And when my brothers and sisters turned on Phil Roberston (and, remember, I could pull out more examples of this, not just Phil. This isn't about Phil.), I all of a sudden felt like a scared little sister. "I can't make a mistake," I thought. "My really cool siblings, who are so good at everything and have awesome gifts, will turn on me if I say or ask something stupid because I should know better. It doesn't matter that I don't know better because of my limited perspective, I HAVE TO know better!"
Feeling that way makes it difficult to invite someone from outside to the table.
Everyone always says "Actions are louder than words," IF only the words are good and the actions are missing. BUT if someone says something stupid, even if their actions are good, the meaning of that saying goes out the window. Double standard. Obviously, words AND actions both play important roles in our service to the world. But we're all human, and Jesus came to save Christians too. We aren't perfect yet, although we strive for it in Christ's example -- constantly.
If you're someone who can't stand Phil, watch this "I Am Second" video, not because Phil needs support, but so you feel better about the world. He is DOING good things for people in need, not just sitting in his ivory trailor saying "dumb redneck" things.
I said that is just one example of many of how I am afraid to hold my opinions and share them, which makes it really difficult to relate to people. And I admit I am more sensitive than I should be. This is one step of many to respect myself and my own opinions and claim my place as a daughter of God in the Kingdom that my brother Christ has saved. My place is already there, whether or not I state my opinions, and most likely you don't need this, but this is my helpful self-talk. It can be very wise to keep your mouth shut, which is why none of this has been posted as a Facebook status (I learned that lesson the hard way)... but have you ever tried to be friends with someone who doesn't ever share anything about who they are??? It doesn't really work. Relationships go both ways. This is where my voice is, on the Internet. Yeah, distracted mothers 100 years ago survived without their "voice" on the Internet, but they also didn't know about all the icky things the Devil is trying to do all over the globe, thus creating all this mind poop!
Okay, to be more positive: This is an excellent situation for my husband and I to find OUR identity in Christ, to rely on Father-God's Word and providence, and figure out specifically how we want to teach our children to begin expressing His love to the world. I can be proud of my American heritage and my family's patriotism and my Christian faith, regardless of the mistakes some of my ancestors made. I can be proud of good things -- because they do exist -- and humble enough about the bad things -- because they do exist -- to seek improvements and solutions without throwing people under the bus. Morals are still as important as service and acceptance. Discernment is needed always to distinguish how Jesus Christ would act and who moves his heart. And, I can't forget Proverbs 27:17 -- when iron sharpens iron, sparks fly; it isn't a quiet, passive chat by the fireside. We shape each other, for better or worse, as each of us attempts to impact our world..
The Internet has been around for years, and social networking has too, but I would say we're all still getting used to this burden of knowing ALLLLLLLL the problems of ALLLLLLLL the people in ALLLLLLLL the places on the globe, so let's be as patient as possible with each other when our perspectives clash.
Let me be patient with myself when perspectives clash.
Jesus loves ALLLLLLLLLL the people in ALLLLLLLLLLL the places. When we want each other to respect others, let's remember to respect each other as we communicate. I think of the Parable of the Talents from Matthew 25. Some of us can make a global difference, some of us have been given a place in our communities or our churches, or maybe just our families. But I am gonna pull out that one talent I have been burying and let Jesus do something with it, instead of hiding like a blemished idiot who is afraid of others, who are just as blemished and limited as I am -- without Jesus.
Jesus has cleaned me and helps me learn more each day. The same goes for you.
