Having control over my choices can be liberating, but, honestly, the responsibility of strategizing the goodness or usefulness of everything I do (and learning daily all the things of which I am still ignorant) has me ex.haust.ed.
I was going to include some examples of my people-pleasing nature that have distracted me from seeking God's heart and just letting Him be Father, Son, and Spirit... but my 4-year-old, who outgrew naps eight months ago, keeps asking me questions during our quiet time. How long has it been since I last wrote a blog? Months. Can I keep a straight thought? Nope. Hopefully this will make sense by the end. Or, even better, instead of it making intellectual sense of something, I simply pray it reminds me that as God's child, I just have to hold His hand, follow, and stop trying so hard.
Last week, our daily Bible reading covered the theme of Jesus loving little children. Every day, we read scriptures about Jesus saying we can only be part of God's Kingdom if we become like little children (Matt 18:1-6, Matt 19:14, Mark 5:22-24, 35-42, Mark 9:36-37, Mark 10:13-16, Luke 9:46-48, Ephesians 3:14-19). What a good reminder!
Kids don't over-think, planning their days to the last details; and, if they do, it's because they want to have joy, FUN, with those they love, not to make resources as efficient as possible. They aren't self-sufficient. They can pretend they can do it "all on their own", but by the end of the day, they need nourishment and comfort from their guardians to survive. And they seek it. And they accept it.
We adults may have the ability to plan financially and drive ourselves to the grocery stores; we may be able to make our own decisions about our appearances or our choices of companions or how we treat people; at the end of the day, though, we all spend a moment alone, falling asleep... and we either feel alone. Or we don't.
When did being a Christian become about what I can do? It used to be about a checklist of intellectual understanding and righteousness gleaned from the Bible (that does NOT save me!) and now it's about how useful I am at enacting social justice (that's NOT what saves me!). Both are good, useful tools for getting close to God's heart; but sometimes they become very distracting barriers to God's heart.
I guess since God's Word repeatedly reminds us to be like little children, it's just part of our walk -- to constantly have to humble ourselves and remember we are not the ones in control. Nor are the people we blame for messing up everything.
Is anyone else tired? Jesus promised His way isn't heavy. So why are we carrying so much unnecessary extra baggage?
Being a follower of Jesus means I don't only get to be loved by God (as ALL humans, regardless of faith, are); BUT I GET TO LOVE HIM TOO! We get to be in a relationship! And, as I look at the endless things around our household that would never be complete even if I had all the waking hours to devote to them; and when I long to serve where God just hasn't currently placed me; and when I read the news of this broken world, and all the accusations from Christians and non-Christians about why it is all.my.fault, I know that this life was never meant to be about efficiency or usefulness.
This life is about being with God. We get to know each other's hearts, He and I. Go away, distracting accusations and insecurities! I want to spend the afternoon with my Father.
And I can't help but wonder if a lot of things would improve if we would all just relax and be where God has us from moment to moment -- the surroundings, the people, the circumstances. To find the good where we are, as we let God guide us to where we will/should be.
The word "abide" has become a cozy, peaceful garden couch to me in recent months, where I get to sit on Father's knee with Jesus, as it applies to the following verse:
John 15:3-4: “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
Thanks for the comfort, Spirit!
