Getting Started With Running: How I Nurse My Baby and Run

These are the first nine winners (out of 115) from my first half-marathon last month. See number 8???
Sorry -- I keep looking at this to be sure it happened, as life is crazy-busy, and it's a little surreal.
Random pic for this post. Ha!

A few women have expressed to me that they want to get back in their workout routine, whether it's running or something else, but that it's incredibly difficult to find the time to do it. A lot of the people in my social circle these days are young mommies, because I am too. After having a baby and adjusting physically to being pregnant and then not being pregnant -- and all of the recovery and adjustments from birth -- AND THEN adjusting to keeping a human being alive in a loving, growing environment are huge obstacles to personal fitness. I think it is normal and good to experience these seasons of change. We learn so much about ourselves and others and God that is more significant and certainly more eternal than being physically fit.

But when those adjustment seasons have passed, it can be difficult to break the mental barriers one must overcome to get back in her game. Working out has always been necessary to my mental/emotional wellness, and I learned that truth about myself as much in the times I did not exercise as the times I have. Since I am so sensitive to my body's physical fitness, it is a priority for me that I am drawn to like a magnet. I realize not everyone is like this. And that's okay.

We have two little boys. I nursed our 5-year-old until he was almost 35 months old, when our second was almost due. Our second will be 2 years old in ten days. (sniff, cry, sniff) I still nurse him. I still nurse him a lot. And I want to share how that works with my running because I am training pretty hard, and I am loving it. I am also enjoying breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong; I whine more than I should when I am exhausted... but I don't want either running or nursing to end any time soon.

BUDGET YOUR TIME AND ENERGY

Usually I am a stay-at-home mom, but I have been teaching full-time as a maternity substitute the past month and a half. I will be working this full-time position until Christmas break. Three more weeks to go! I think being a mom is really busy and difficult, no matter if you're working full-time away from your kids or working full-time with your kids. The challenges are different, and we all prefer some of those challenges to others, and maybe we feel called one way or another in different circumstances or seasons of life. The point is NOT if you work at home or not; the point is that if you *want/need* to make your fitness a priority, you CAN. Think of time and energy like money, though. You have a certain amount you can spend. so you have to use it wisely because we can't do all the things all the time, just like we can't buy all the things we want all the time. TIME AND ENERGY BUDGETING -- waaaaaaaaaaaay more difficult for me than budgeting finances.

The son I still breastfeed wakes up at least three times a night to eat. This works for our family. We did it with our first. I know I sound CRAZY. But it works for us. I feed him when he wakes every morning, at nap time (before and after -- but not before while I am teaching right now) and then when he goes to sleep at night... and those other times he wakes up in the night. I do just bring him in our bed so I can lay down and doze while he eats. Breastfeeding is one of the best experiences I've ever had. It has stripped me of sleep and comfort and dignity (in old ways)... but it has given me strength, ability, and dignity (in new ways). Some days I am amazed I can function on how little I sleep, especially compared to teenage me... but I feel great. I really think the constant alertness to someone other than myself keeps me in motion and helps me get back in motion when I'd otherwise convince myself I am incapable. Maybe all of parenting helps with this, yes? Not just the breastfeeding. Ha!

START WITH MOTION NOT SPEED

The first thing I tell people who are beginning runners is not to worry about how fast they're going. I advise people just to start moving, whether it's walking or biking or taking a class. Find a motion your body enjoys and do it at least three times a week for more than 30 minutes. The more you move, the better you'll get to know your body. And while you're moving and getting to know your body, you'll be preparing it for stronger and faster things. As you reach these milestones where you see the results and, more importantly, feel the results, you'll feel more comfortable setting goals for yourself. Before our first was born, I was running six miles at a time at least four times a week. I had built up to it after using the elliptical machine at our apartment complex's gym. It took a few months. I didn't feel rushed. I just moved because it felt much better than not moving. And I built on that movement.

After our first was born, I did not feel rushed to get back into running. I was recovering from an emergency c-section, and I was loving being a first-time mommy. I wore him in his carrier for nature walks at least four times a week, either around our neighborhood or the local trail. I used a Moby Wrap until he was 7 months old, and then an Ergo (which I have used SO MANY TIMES with both our boys for shopping and exercise. It is worth every penny). I got back into running about five months after he was born and built back to where I'd been pretty quickly. The runs were so helpful for my introverted mind. I was so exhausted from all the night-time feedings and all the other things in life. But I kept at it. Because moving felt better than not moving. Little by little, I felt stronger as a sleepless mommy zombie. About the time he turned two, I started training to run a half-marathon. I made it to my eleven-mile training mark... but I didn't make it to the half-marathon before getting pregnant with our second...

I wanted to run while pregnant with our second, but scary bleeding stopped me from doing that. I walked a little while pregnant, but I didn't stress about it. After he was born, I took both my boys on nature walks with me. I did wear them both a few times, one on the front and one on the back, but our older got too big for that really quick, so I'd push him in the stroller while I wore the little one. Conversations and peaceful silence on nature walks are really enriching educational and, more importantly, relational times. I stayed in motion, I definitely gained strength with all that extra weight I was pushing/carrying. I did that for about four months. Then I was ready to get back into running. At the time, I just wanted to jog for a certain amount of time, and then a certain amount of miles. And I just built on that over a few months. It was great alone time for this introverted mommy, and my husband had great play time with the boys after a day or a week at work.

It was about this time a year ago that I really wanted to up my running sessions throughout the weeks. My husband and I still communicate about it at the beginning of each week -- what afternoons will work best for him if I run for an hour... or if me getting up in the morning will be better. I plan out if getting up early on Saturday or running during the boys' nap time will be better for our family. Communicating and not being afraid to carve out time for work outs helps me a lot. My husband is very happy to help, and I am thankful for how appreciative and helpful he is. Again, he and the boys really enjoy that special time to "rough-house" or go somewhere together.

Almost eight months ago is when I really got the racing bug. I read about some amazing female runners who win races in faster times than I thought possible. I hadn't wondered about the possibilities before, and then when they were right in front of me... I came alive! I have shaved more than 10 minutes off my six-mile distance since them. I ran my first half-marathon six weeks ago (that's the one from the winners' chart above). I am running another half in February and my first full-marathon in April. I love pushing myself... at my own pace, while I read about other experienced athletes to help me realize what possibilities exist as I break negativity and insecurity in my mind.

I mentioned earlier that I am working full-time right now. I have been getting up very early (4 a.m.) to fit my runs in. If I wait until the evenings, I will be way too tired to do it. I know myself well enough after all these years to know I will regret NOT getting my exercise way more than waking up in a cold, dark morning. I do fall asleep as soon as my husband and I sit to chat after our boys are in bed... and I miss that time with him terribly.

I shared all of that, knowing that some of it will not work for some of you. Maybe none of it will work for you. But maybe it will help get you started to knowing what will work for you and your family. I want to encourage y'all, so please feel free to talk with me about it.

• Be patient with yourself while you get to know your body. 
• Be patient with yourself while you get to know your new body. 
• Don't compare yourself to me or anyone else.
• If someone says something ignorant that makes you doubt yourself as a mommy or a woman, remember they are ignorant about YOU! They don't see what you do all day or all the thoughts in your head and your heart. Sometimes the best intentions from others hurt our feelings the worst. Don't let those things overcome you.
• Don't be afraid to communicate with your husband about desiring that time for yourself. 
• Be brave to believe in your capabilities. You can do it too!

Happy fitness to you!

How Teaching High School (Very Shortly) is Helping Me Become a Homeschool Mom

My thoughts are often scattered throughout all the possibilities I can imagine. Here are *just* the ones I've had regarding my curiosity about God's plan for my children's future education and how my ability either helps that or HARMS that?!?!

homeschool mom?
         
                                             teaching professionally?

              Some other career?

Will my kids have strong, eternal character traits?

                           
  My kids learning in our home, quietly, one-on-one (well, one-on-two)?

        Will we have more babies?

                                                             Will my kids be unkind teens making inappropriate jokes in class with friends?

                                      What if my kids become hateful, disrespectful adults?

                              EVERYTHING is my fault! Why don't I know more!?

           cozy clothes all day at home?


                                                  dress respectably to feel more attuned to the day's unpredictability?

Planning curriculum with two little people constantly talking to me? What?! How?!

                                      Organizing this crazy mess?

Clean the house every single second of every single day, making zero progress?

         Will I get all my runs in this week?

Am I a terrible mommy for enjoying running, since it requires time?
         
                 Set scheduling boundaries to accomplish everything in an always messy and useful home?

           I got up at 5, worked non-stop, and I still can't get even close to caught up!

                                                     Am I behind because I am too busy?

                                    Why can't I organize my time and activities like all the other seeming experts?

                     How are my kids processing their surroundings with constant activity?
                               
     How do we enrich our family AND handle all the other social responsibilities?

                                          Today my brain seems capable!

         Today my brain might start giving off sparks!

Well, teaching in a private school the past three weeks has already revealed a lot of useful perspective that will help me better manage my time as a homeschool mom. I hate being my own boss because I second-guess myself with every decision that regards duty or fun. Being under someone else's authority and someone else's schedule is relieving to me after the past 5+ years of either being way too hard on myself or way too lenient. Oh, the extremes.

Now I have a better idea of what shaping lesson plans requires of my time and energy. Also, I am really strange and relationally neurotic, but I get really anxious doing something other than giving my kids 100% instructional attention every day, whether it's just for fun or character building or being their tour guide through this big world. If my husband is at work and can't be with them, then I feel guilty doing anything personally enjoyable, any housework, any homeschool planning while the boys are awake. Now that they can play well together, I am lightening up on myself... but my tendency toward helicopter parenting is a recipe for resentment and codependent tendencies that don't help us. This teaching job has been very eye-opening for my personal capabilities, as well as my kids'.

Trying to connect with teenagers is good. Not easy or fun some of the time, but good.

The length of this opportunity is just right; three weeks down, six more weeks to go. I miss my babies so much! And they miss me. By Friday we're all a mess. Our older said to me one day, on the way home from my sister's, where they usually stay while I work, "Mommy, when we get home, will you just hold me?" And our younger (2 in December) still nurses all.night.long., as well as at naptime (before and during). He is actually napping very well, but we are both ready to see each other and get mommy milk cuddles when I pick him up. I have been pumping at lunch time, since he isn't eating as usual on weekdays. Leaky boobs in front of teenagers just sounds awful... but maybe it wouldn't be an issue at this point. "Neurotic Nicoll"--i say it for many reasons!

Like I said, this perspective of a full-time teacher is a gift for making me a more successful homemaker and homeschool mom... but I sure am thankful I will be with my babies again soon! We're all calmer and more at peace. Everyone is different, but I wanna be with them in our home.

I have been running before school in the dark mornings (on the treadmill) or when I get home... in the dark evenings (on the treadmill). I plan to officially start training Thanksgiving week for my first full marathon in April. I am so excited! And terrified! :) I plan to get some safety lights for running in the dark to get outside more.

Oh, and our house: a DISASTER! (My mother-in-law stayed with us this past week because she wanted to help. She is the only reason any laundry or dishes were cleaned. Many thanks to her!)

Two cloth diaper pads have had to be thrown out because they were forgotten in a bag for too many days with no washing. Ew. I think we're doing pretty well.

Father-God, you are good.