Lord-willing, I will be running in my first full-marathon on Saturday, April 9, which is coming up in about seven weeks. Last Friday I ran eighteen miles in my training plan, which is the most I have ever run in one setting. The more training I experience for this race, the more I appreciate every tiny mental and physical detail of my preparation. I also become more aware of how concepts like planning in light of endurance, determination and its affect on specific aspects of success, perseverance over exhaustion or doubt, and faith through unknown variables play a part in all of my life -- from my faith, to my wifehood, to my parenting, to our future plans.
Planning out my weekly activities involves following the training plan I downloaded at CoachJenny.com, as well as tweaking it based on how I feel from workout session to workout session. Since this is my first full-marathon, I am following a beginner plan. Since I have had more success in my first two half-marathons than I expected before my racing adventures began, I have also been asking experienced acquaintances for advice about pushing myself a little farther than the beginner training plan takes me. Not much farther, because I don't want to hit THE WALL, but just a little. Not knowing what the future holds (my ignorance of what it will actually feel like to go 26.2 miles, whether the weather will be cool or way too warm that day, if I will have to nurse sensitive almost-injuries, etc.), drives me bananas. This requires so much self control in my thoughts and in my body. I keep reading about how I have to hold myself back for most of the race to make it until the end, but I also want to push myself just a little because I will be right on the line of qualifying for Boston at this marathon. Right.on.the.line. Unless it's hot, and then I will just be happy to finish and survive. Ha! What is the balance between taking risks and playing it safe?! I ask myself this as I plan for our homeschool, as we talk about building a cabin, when it comes to making new friends in this crazy world of wireless connections. Bah!
Determination is so important to persevering toward success. Running is truly a joy for me, so it's easy to commit to it. I won't say getting up in the dark mornings is easy, but I know I'll enjoy it, so envisioning it ahead of time helps me do it. Knowing which day requires which workout (recovery run or cross-training or speed session or long run, etc.) and where I will be (either in my running room or outside or at a gym) and at what time specifically helps me succeed. Vision is so important to my success, being able to play it out in my head and imagine everything gets me there, even/especially when it's hard because of tiredness or weakness. And committing to this over a period of time, for the last half of my reminds me how much better it feels to do it than not to do it.
Faith through the unknown variables has become such a challenge for me mentally, and it makes me so emotional. Bah! I mentioned it before, but I am so nervous because I can't predict or control the weather for race day. In a Tennessee April, the day could be cloudy and 55 or 60 OR it could be sunny and 85. The temperature will certainly affect my speed that day. It could make a half-hour or more difference in my finishing time. Bah! But I guess that's kinda what makes it fun too -- the challenge, right?
Okay, so I have two half marathons under my belt : 01:45:15 in October 2015 and 01:38:00 in February (this year:2016). I can qualify for the Boston Marathon if I complete the full in 03:35:00, and I need to get it in at least two minutes less than that, hopefully three or more, because they have started cutting off the qualifying time to accommodate ALL the qualifiers. I didn't even consider this a possibility until I did well at my halfs. Before, I just wanted to finish in under four hours. If it's a cool day, I really do think I have a chance to qualify, but if it's hot... whew! The BIG IF! I will just keep training and enduring through discomfort and do my best on that day. And I can always keep trying. Looking forward, always looking forward, intentionally crawling out of pits of self-pity or -doubt.
My foot. That foot. The one that bothered me during my first half-marathon. Oh, that foot. I think it's plantars fasciitis, but, honestly, it isn't THAT bad, it's just almost bad. It has been bugging me this week, since my eighteen-miler. I know I'll have to nurse it through the marathon with ice and stretching. The good news is that it is stronger because I didn't feel at all during my second half-marathon training. It can handle more mileage and speed... I'll just keep running and pushing the limits.
Preparing for this marathon is helping me deal with the marathon of life. Parenting is challenging. Planning for my children's futures (homeschool, sports, friends, etc.) and overcoming my anxieties of being around new people (so that hopefully my kids won't struggle in that) are huge deals for me. I am exhausted. But if I can push from mile 16 to 18, even though all the muscles in my body just wanna crash, then I can talk to that new person or learn about this new thing. Right??? Running is way easier than life.
God's words, the words of LIFE, have some pretty good advice based on running metaphors. I want to reiterate every single time that I talk about my faith and running that I don't feel like God needs to me to win to achieve HIS glory. Running is a tangible practice in my life to learn more about God's goodness and grace for me and the world in so many aspects. The following passages are as true to my everyday, mundane mom life as they are to my running. More importantly, they are true for my faith as it faces all sorts of cynicism and doubt and failure (from within and without). Thank you, Father, for living in me and not giving up on me. The sky is the limit. I am where I am today, and I want to walk with You in all the tomorrows, where'er You lead me.
Hebrews 12:1-2:: Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Philippians 3:14-16:: I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.
1 Corinthians 9: 24-27:: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25 Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Second Half-Marathon and Being Real About God and Awkwardness
My second half-marathon was this past Saturday in the Cedars of Lebanon Tennessee State Park. I set a personal record (PR) of more than seven minutes since my first half back in October. I finished with an official chip time of 01:38:00. I was the second woman in my age group; seventh woman overall; and 56th person out of the 592 who raced that beautiful day! I am so pumped to continue training for the Andrew Jackson Full Marathon in April.
The boys and Justin came with me this past weekend. It was a 2.5-hour drive, so we made a weekend of it. We got to do some fun things together, and we got to see "old" friends.
Communicating adequately about my running has become an earnest prayer of mine. I am such an awkward person. Seriously you guys, I have been having very serious talks with God, slamming my fists on the steering wheel kind of serious, in wihch I beg Him to help me overcome my awkward interactions, whether in writing or real-life. Who cares if I'm awkward? Aren't we all! I just really want people to feel beloved by God after being around me -- and I am unsure if that's the case because I always say the wrong thing, if I even know what to say at all. I realize people these days are really into the self-deprecating humor of sharing the metaphorical junk drawer -- which has a needed place in connecting to each other graciously. But I also really like to excel. And I really want other people to realize their potential. We influence each other so much. What if we all went out believing I can run THAT fast or I can say NO to THAT temptation or I can make THIS good thing work for my family? The sky is the limit, and I don't want anyone putting a glass ceiling over my head, stopping me from achieving God's best. I am a perfectionist. Which is the best and worst thing about me (Sometimes I win; other times I hide in bed because I am afraid to lose). I think that is true for all of us: the best thing about us can easily become the worst thing, if we don't give it to God and work to connect with others through His love, whatever THAT thing is.
I want to share the specifics of my running success because I am still the same old dorky, awkward Nicoll. I mean, compared to elites and Olympians I am still a slow poke. Compared to a lot of average people I am not (yet) the fastest; but I am surprising myself. If I can run like this, then any physically capable person who sets their mind to it can as well. God has granted my requests for passion and confidence; He continues to help me overcome my agonizing daily battles with negativity and self-annoyances. My running is one external example of HIS work inside my heart. But I know when I share speecifics, it can come across as bragging. So then I try to include a genuine response to God's role in something that has become a blessing to me and my sweet family, those sweet darlings who have to interact with me on a daily basis, whether that's a smooth or rough way from day-to-day! But when I share something about God's role in my running I don't want to water-down His immense power to achieving athletic success. Because I really don't think Christ's possibilities over everything exist so that big men can win the SuperBowl. It may be part of that... BUT I think Christ's power affects everything about our lives, ESPECIALLY our hearts. What is in our hearts?
Fear or Courage?
Faith or Doubt?
Faith overcoming Doubt?
Doubt squashing Faith?
Betterment tackling Bitterness?
Bitterness consuming Betterment?
Perseverance through loss?
Kindness through success?
Growing closer to God as He connects us to people and circumstances in which we have to make choices that will continue to shape our hearts is the point of every day. Whether you are a healthy person trying to win races, or whether you're a sick person just trying to get through this season, or whether you're in a relationship that strains your faith and your love in every way, or whether you have food to feed your family, or whether you don't know how your child will eat today, or whether you are trying to reach out to people in a system that makes it awkward or complicated, or whether God gave you people skills that immediately calm every heart in the room with a positive vibe -- the characteristics I want to display through my running are those any person in any circumstance can seek and find. Because we each need them for whichever specific trial we are facing right now -- and God makes those characteristics available to any of us, whether we are the rich person on the hill or the person in prison. Each of us has Light to shine, wherever we are.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Confessions of an Introverted Mommy Who Wants to Do All.the.things
Many of you know our family well, and others of you keep up with us on social media, so you know that this fall was unusual for our family. I, a woman who feels called to stay home with my kids, who plans to homeschool them, who has thrived on the quiet stillness of home, got a new and temporary opportunity: I was the maternity sub for my friend for the two months leading up to Christmas break. I taught ninety-five high school students every Monday through Friday. I had such a great time with the material, students, and other teachers. God gave me a perspective I desperately needed, but I am still adjusting. I feel like I am too sensitive to things because no one else seems as affected by their surroundings and experiences as I feel I am. Are y'all just better at poker faces? Things have been wacky for my husband and our two boys and me because our normal looks nothing like two parents working full-time and having other events to fill all the waking hours between clocking out and bed time. No time for recovering as individuals or people with relationships drained us.
That season ended two weeks ago, and of course the past two weeks have been filled with crazy holiday excitement, so the processing and recovery of that time has been challenging. I really enjoyed teaching poetry to kids who don't ask the same questions 543672727 times an hour and don't need help in the potty. I enjoyed actually being able to complete tasks without being interrupted for pottying or another repetitive question. But I miss all the quiet, still connections with my family. I miss hearing the funny things they say in the midst of all their curiosity. I miss watching their "Aha!" moments. I miss getting to love on them with physical affection, as well as emotional. I was too tired for anything but survival. As an introvert, my battery goes dry around people, even though I like y'all, even though I want to be connected and friendly in every way... so for two months my wonderful husband and our two boys have been getting nothing but my fumes, and my fumes have no substance for giving or receiving.
Honestly, I have been really mean to myself; and if Mommy is mean to herself--yep, everyone else is getting snapped at too. Women who work full-time outside of their homes CAN do a wonderful job in their homes AND with their families. I see the fruit of their skills and abilities. But I am struggling; I always have struggled, even with no full-time job. Why is it so hard for me? I want to have all the opportunities AND friendships AND not lose anything important in all the hullabaloo. I want people to know we aren't wealthy, and I am not spending my days eating chocolate on the couch while my kids play in the other room. Why do I care so much what other people think? When will this idol finally be destroyed?
I am learning that this parenting thing is not about either-or-- as in you are either a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. Nope. Like everything in life, humans can't be reduced to black and white--within ourselves or as we compare to others. There are as many options and callings for ways of life as there are individual personalities with meanings and histories and destinies. And we can all learn new habits and find new paths along the way. Some of us thrive when we're busy and surrounded by others, and others of us need our space.
But anchors are nice -- the people, relationships, and beliefs that ground us when all the possible paths in the whole wide world become a mass of tangled frustrations. When we want what others have it can be nice to come back to the center, to give thanks for the path God has given me, even if others don't get it.
After 30 years of getting to know myself, I know that I require that stillness and quietness to process my interaction with life. I also know that I desperately desire to be connected to others, but my awkwardness and insecurities interrupt a lot of conversations and postpone many play dates, literally and figuratively speaking. When I closed the door to my friend's high school classroom at the end of my two months, I cried. My heart was in two places, and I was filled with emotions because of all.the.others'.hearts --
my kids'
my husband's
the students'
other introverted mommies'
mommies' who pull off mommying AND careers like bosses
the people in poverty all over the world
the people who haven't decided to follow Jesus
the people who are so mad at God they pretend He isn't there...
What a full, colorful, complicated world! Do you feel like your filling your place? Like you're in the correct place? Like you can be okay in that place even if others judge you? Can you be okay in that place even when God is silent about it until the right time for speaking? All.the.hearts.
I am so tired.
I know that I want to be in my home with my family because of my history and my thought processes and hopes for the future. My husband and I have prayed and discussed it for years. But the burden of my affect on my children's hearts and minds and spirits sometimes seems heavier than if I had to actually carry ninety-five high school students across a football field all at once. I want to homeschool them because I want them to have the time and space to soak up their abilities and desires. I want to get to know them as they change daily into the men God has planned for their shaped puzzle piece. But what if I mess everything up, and it's all my fault they don't become who they're meant to be? What if it's because I homeschool them? Or what if it's because I don't? What if their hearts are messed up because I like running, and I spend time excelling in that? What if their hearts are messed up because I don't run because I am afraid to be selfish so I become bitter and resentful?
I believe freedom in Christ spares me from the tedious worries I feel, but sometimes the feelings outweigh the faith. And right now I feel so tired that I can't tackle all the fears.
Jonny Diaz has a new song on the radio, called "Breathe." The line that jumped out at me says, "Lay down what's good to find what's best. Just breathe." So what's best? I know, ultimately, that whichever path we are on, we can seek Jesus, and He promises we'll find Him. But sometimes I just wish He'd give me a neon sign so I could stop wasting so much time wondering if I am on the right track. My heart is here AND there, and it has to find Jesus in the right place. And I have to relax and realize the right place isn't as tiny and specific as I feel it is.
Counting MY blessings, instead of others', and using self-control to stop the comparisons will help me. Now I just need the energy and creativity to pull off this mental work, for my heart's sake.
 |
| I was supposed to sew on this karate patch five months ago. I just started it last night. My son told me his instructor was mad at me (5yo interpretation, not wholly true) because I hadn't done it yet. I had this patch a good two months before I started teaching. So much to do -- a lot gets lost in the wayside. "Out of sight; out of mind." And I hate myself for it! This is just one example of my struggling. |
Honestly, I have been really mean to myself; and if Mommy is mean to herself--yep, everyone else is getting snapped at too. Women who work full-time outside of their homes CAN do a wonderful job in their homes AND with their families. I see the fruit of their skills and abilities. But I am struggling; I always have struggled, even with no full-time job. Why is it so hard for me? I want to have all the opportunities AND friendships AND not lose anything important in all the hullabaloo. I want people to know we aren't wealthy, and I am not spending my days eating chocolate on the couch while my kids play in the other room. Why do I care so much what other people think? When will this idol finally be destroyed?
I am learning that this parenting thing is not about either-or-- as in you are either a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. Nope. Like everything in life, humans can't be reduced to black and white--within ourselves or as we compare to others. There are as many options and callings for ways of life as there are individual personalities with meanings and histories and destinies. And we can all learn new habits and find new paths along the way. Some of us thrive when we're busy and surrounded by others, and others of us need our space.
But anchors are nice -- the people, relationships, and beliefs that ground us when all the possible paths in the whole wide world become a mass of tangled frustrations. When we want what others have it can be nice to come back to the center, to give thanks for the path God has given me, even if others don't get it.
After 30 years of getting to know myself, I know that I require that stillness and quietness to process my interaction with life. I also know that I desperately desire to be connected to others, but my awkwardness and insecurities interrupt a lot of conversations and postpone many play dates, literally and figuratively speaking. When I closed the door to my friend's high school classroom at the end of my two months, I cried. My heart was in two places, and I was filled with emotions because of all.the.others'.hearts --
my kids'
my husband's
the students'
other introverted mommies'
mommies' who pull off mommying AND careers like bosses
the people in poverty all over the world
the people who haven't decided to follow Jesus
the people who are so mad at God they pretend He isn't there...
What a full, colorful, complicated world! Do you feel like your filling your place? Like you're in the correct place? Like you can be okay in that place even if others judge you? Can you be okay in that place even when God is silent about it until the right time for speaking? All.the.hearts.
I am so tired.
I know that I want to be in my home with my family because of my history and my thought processes and hopes for the future. My husband and I have prayed and discussed it for years. But the burden of my affect on my children's hearts and minds and spirits sometimes seems heavier than if I had to actually carry ninety-five high school students across a football field all at once. I want to homeschool them because I want them to have the time and space to soak up their abilities and desires. I want to get to know them as they change daily into the men God has planned for their shaped puzzle piece. But what if I mess everything up, and it's all my fault they don't become who they're meant to be? What if it's because I homeschool them? Or what if it's because I don't? What if their hearts are messed up because I like running, and I spend time excelling in that? What if their hearts are messed up because I don't run because I am afraid to be selfish so I become bitter and resentful?
I believe freedom in Christ spares me from the tedious worries I feel, but sometimes the feelings outweigh the faith. And right now I feel so tired that I can't tackle all the fears.
Jonny Diaz has a new song on the radio, called "Breathe." The line that jumped out at me says, "Lay down what's good to find what's best. Just breathe." So what's best? I know, ultimately, that whichever path we are on, we can seek Jesus, and He promises we'll find Him. But sometimes I just wish He'd give me a neon sign so I could stop wasting so much time wondering if I am on the right track. My heart is here AND there, and it has to find Jesus in the right place. And I have to relax and realize the right place isn't as tiny and specific as I feel it is.
Counting MY blessings, instead of others', and using self-control to stop the comparisons will help me. Now I just need the energy and creativity to pull off this mental work, for my heart's sake.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Running: 2015 Reflection / 2016 Outlook
This time last year, both boys and I were sick with the flu. I was too exhausted to even be depressed about it. Ha. It took me out for a couple weeks with quite the respiratory congestion, which halted my running. However, I overcame that and immediately got back to running, hoping 2015 would be the year I finally found the boldness to enter at least one race. Little did I know what possibilities God held for me this past year.
For most of my life, seeing my fears very clearly has been easier than even sensing my hopes... which became a weighty burden that prevented growth with its moldy, oppressive anxiety. I battled the negativity and temptations in my mind through many prayers. I specifically asked God to help me see hopeful plans more clearly than all my imagined fears (and not just in running). And I clearly asked him to give me passion for something good (and not just in running).
Well. God is a good parent. And He gives generously when it is for good. Praise Him for his mysterious yet tangible ways!
In April, during the week of the Boston Marathon, I learned of a little blond lady named Shalane Flanagan. Google her. She is an Olympic athlete, and her 10K pace is less than 31 minutes. (WOW!) I read about her history as a runner on one of the running sites I follow via Twitter, and the possibilities for my own running became clearer to me. Maybe it's because she has blond hair like me? Maybe it's because our society is recognizing women's abilities in a more positive way than the past? Maybe it's because I turned 30 in March, and instead of fearing my mortality, I now want to embrace what is left of it? Whatever the answer, a mental dam in my mind broke the day I read about her, and I wanted to run FAST for the first time in my life. Up to that point, I just wanted an effective cardio workout that kept me slim, as well as a peaceful escape for my mind.
Since April, I have shaved more than 10 minutes off my 6-miler. I used to do it in 55 minutes, and I am consistently keeping it under 45 the past month.
I ran my first race at the end of August in Clinton, KY. A church hosted a 5K to raise money for a mission trip. My goal was to run it in less than 24 minutes, and I completed the race in 22:56, as the first woman and fifth person to cross the finish line.
In September, I ran a huge Chick-fil-A race with a new friend in Memphis. That was fun! The same friend and I also ran a fun four-mile obstacle course on Halloween, dressed as chefs. Ice water, climbing walls with ropes, crawling on wet grass under barbed wire -- SO FUN!
I ran my first half-marathon (something I'd wanted to do for years) on October 17 in Grand Rivers, KY, through the Land Between the Lakes Park. Oh, my, it was so beautiful! My initial goal was to run in under two hours, and as I trained, I knew that was certainly going to happen. My finish time was 01:45:15. I was almost the first-place woman, but a woman I hadn't seen since I passed her at the beginning of the race beat me by one second on the last tenth of a mile -- it was SO EXCITING to sprint to the finish with her! I was the eighth-place human, second-place woman.
I haven't raced since that half because life got busy with a two-month full-time substitute teaching job as a friend's maternity replacement. Thankfully, I have been training five days a week throughout that crazy time. I purchased some new tools with the money I earned (another answered prayer). One of those tools is a stationary bicycle. My feet are small, and if I run hard on them every day, I get injuries. The bike is wonderful for cross-training because it keeps my cardio strong... and it strengthens muscles that make me a faster runner, all while giving my little footsies the recovery they need. I am very thankful for the tools I requested.
Tomorrow I am racing in a New Year's Day 5K in town, and I look forward to seeing what my body can do with the continued training and faster speeds I am gaining. The competition and adrenaline of a race are so motivating! My skills seem better suited for distance than short speed, but I feel like the 5K will be a good speed workout for hopefully busting some more mental blocks.
Lord-willing, I will be running a half-marathon in Lebanon on February 6, as part of my training for the full-marathon I will be running on April 9 (Lord-willing) here in town. I also have a 5K planned with one of my best friends in March... and I am hoping to run a fun inflatable 5K with some friends in May. And I can't look much farther than that from here, but I pray God continues to provide the passion, health, and opportunity to see what He can do with my health or sickness, my successes or failures, my connections to opportunities and other people.
He has already blown my mind. Who would have thought worried little Nicoll, so plain and normal, could achieve these speeds?! I didn't. But now I have some kinda fantastical goals (that I will keep quiet about for now)! However, I pray every day for God to keep me grounded. I want to serve Christ's Kingdom, not my own -- which is a constant temptation. Today is the last day of 2015. Who knows what tomorrow holds, much less next month or next year or ten years from now? One thing I know it holds: God's ever-teaching and -interacting LOVE!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Getting Started With Running: How I Nurse My Baby and Run
| These are the first nine winners (out of 115) from my first half-marathon last month. See number 8??? Sorry -- I keep looking at this to be sure it happened, as life is crazy-busy, and it's a little surreal. Random pic for this post. Ha! |
But when those adjustment seasons have passed, it can be difficult to break the mental barriers one must overcome to get back in her game. Working out has always been necessary to my mental/emotional wellness, and I learned that truth about myself as much in the times I did not exercise as the times I have. Since I am so sensitive to my body's physical fitness, it is a priority for me that I am drawn to like a magnet. I realize not everyone is like this. And that's okay.
We have two little boys. I nursed our 5-year-old until he was almost 35 months old, when our second was almost due. Our second will be 2 years old in ten days. (sniff, cry, sniff) I still nurse him. I still nurse him a lot. And I want to share how that works with my running because I am training pretty hard, and I am loving it. I am also enjoying breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong; I whine more than I should when I am exhausted... but I don't want either running or nursing to end any time soon.
BUDGET YOUR TIME AND ENERGY
Usually I am a stay-at-home mom, but I have been teaching full-time as a maternity substitute the past month and a half. I will be working this full-time position until Christmas break. Three more weeks to go! I think being a mom is really busy and difficult, no matter if you're working full-time away from your kids or working full-time with your kids. The challenges are different, and we all prefer some of those challenges to others, and maybe we feel called one way or another in different circumstances or seasons of life. The point is NOT if you work at home or not; the point is that if you *want/need* to make your fitness a priority, you CAN. Think of time and energy like money, though. You have a certain amount you can spend. so you have to use it wisely because we can't do all the things all the time, just like we can't buy all the things we want all the time. TIME AND ENERGY BUDGETING -- waaaaaaaaaaaay more difficult for me than budgeting finances.
The son I still breastfeed wakes up at least three times a night to eat. This works for our family. We did it with our first. I know I sound CRAZY. But it works for us. I feed him when he wakes every morning, at nap time (before and after -- but not before while I am teaching right now) and then when he goes to sleep at night... and those other times he wakes up in the night. I do just bring him in our bed so I can lay down and doze while he eats. Breastfeeding is one of the best experiences I've ever had. It has stripped me of sleep and comfort and dignity (in old ways)... but it has given me strength, ability, and dignity (in new ways). Some days I am amazed I can function on how little I sleep, especially compared to teenage me... but I feel great. I really think the constant alertness to someone other than myself keeps me in motion and helps me get back in motion when I'd otherwise convince myself I am incapable. Maybe all of parenting helps with this, yes? Not just the breastfeeding. Ha!
START WITH MOTION NOT SPEED
The first thing I tell people who are beginning runners is not to worry about how fast they're going. I advise people just to start moving, whether it's walking or biking or taking a class. Find a motion your body enjoys and do it at least three times a week for more than 30 minutes. The more you move, the better you'll get to know your body. And while you're moving and getting to know your body, you'll be preparing it for stronger and faster things. As you reach these milestones where you see the results and, more importantly, feel the results, you'll feel more comfortable setting goals for yourself. Before our first was born, I was running six miles at a time at least four times a week. I had built up to it after using the elliptical machine at our apartment complex's gym. It took a few months. I didn't feel rushed. I just moved because it felt much better than not moving. And I built on that movement.
After our first was born, I did not feel rushed to get back into running. I was recovering from an emergency c-section, and I was loving being a first-time mommy. I wore him in his carrier for nature walks at least four times a week, either around our neighborhood or the local trail. I used a Moby Wrap until he was 7 months old, and then an Ergo (which I have used SO MANY TIMES with both our boys for shopping and exercise. It is worth every penny). I got back into running about five months after he was born and built back to where I'd been pretty quickly. The runs were so helpful for my introverted mind. I was so exhausted from all the night-time feedings and all the other things in life. But I kept at it. Because moving felt better than not moving. Little by little, I felt stronger as a sleepless mommy zombie. About the time he turned two, I started training to run a half-marathon. I made it to my eleven-mile training mark... but I didn't make it to the half-marathon before getting pregnant with our second...
I wanted to run while pregnant with our second, but scary bleeding stopped me from doing that. I walked a little while pregnant, but I didn't stress about it. After he was born, I took both my boys on nature walks with me. I did wear them both a few times, one on the front and one on the back, but our older got too big for that really quick, so I'd push him in the stroller while I wore the little one. Conversations and peaceful silence on nature walks are really enriching educational and, more importantly, relational times. I stayed in motion, I definitely gained strength with all that extra weight I was pushing/carrying. I did that for about four months. Then I was ready to get back into running. At the time, I just wanted to jog for a certain amount of time, and then a certain amount of miles. And I just built on that over a few months. It was great alone time for this introverted mommy, and my husband had great play time with the boys after a day or a week at work.
It was about this time a year ago that I really wanted to up my running sessions throughout the weeks. My husband and I still communicate about it at the beginning of each week -- what afternoons will work best for him if I run for an hour... or if me getting up in the morning will be better. I plan out if getting up early on Saturday or running during the boys' nap time will be better for our family. Communicating and not being afraid to carve out time for work outs helps me a lot. My husband is very happy to help, and I am thankful for how appreciative and helpful he is. Again, he and the boys really enjoy that special time to "rough-house" or go somewhere together.
Almost eight months ago is when I really got the racing bug. I read about some amazing female runners who win races in faster times than I thought possible. I hadn't wondered about the possibilities before, and then when they were right in front of me... I came alive! I have shaved more than 10 minutes off my six-mile distance since them. I ran my first half-marathon six weeks ago (that's the one from the winners' chart above). I am running another half in February and my first full-marathon in April. I love pushing myself... at my own pace, while I read about other experienced athletes to help me realize what possibilities exist as I break negativity and insecurity in my mind.
I mentioned earlier that I am working full-time right now. I have been getting up very early (4 a.m.) to fit my runs in. If I wait until the evenings, I will be way too tired to do it. I know myself well enough after all these years to know I will regret NOT getting my exercise way more than waking up in a cold, dark morning. I do fall asleep as soon as my husband and I sit to chat after our boys are in bed... and I miss that time with him terribly.
I shared all of that, knowing that some of it will not work for some of you. Maybe none of it will work for you. But maybe it will help get you started to knowing what will work for you and your family. I want to encourage y'all, so please feel free to talk with me about it.
- Be patient with yourself while you get to know your body.
- Be patient with yourself while you get to know your new body.
- Don't compare yourself to me or anyone else.
- If someone says something ignorant that makes you doubt yourself as a mommy or a woman, remember they are ignorant about YOU! They don't see what you do all day or all the thoughts in your head and your heart. Sometimes the best intentions from others hurt our feelings the worst. Don't let those things overcome you.
- Don't be afraid to communicate with your husband about desiring that time for yourself.
- Be brave to believe in your capabilities. You can do it too!
Happy fitness to you!
Friday, November 6, 2015
How Teaching High School (Very Shortly) is Helping Me Become a Homeschool Mom
My thoughts are often scattered throughout all the possibilities I can imagine. Here are *just* the ones I've had regarding my curiosity about God's plan for my children's future education and how my ability either helps that or HARMS that?!?!
homeschool mom?
teaching professionally?
Some other career?
Will my kids have strong, eternal character traits?
My kids learning in our home, quietly, one-on-one (well, one-on-two)?
Will we have more babies?
Will my kids be unkind teens making inappropriate jokes in class with friends?
What if my kids become hateful, disrespectful adults?
EVERYTHING is my fault! Why don't I know more!?
cozy clothes all day at home?
dress respectably to feel more attuned to the day's unpredictability?
Planning curriculum with two little people constantly talking to me? What?! How?!
Organizing this crazy mess?
Clean the house every single second of every single day, making zero progress?
Will I get all my runs in this week?
Am I a terrible mommy for enjoying running, since it requires time?
Set scheduling boundaries to accomplish everything in an always messy and useful home?
I got up at 5, worked non-stop, and I still can't get even close to caught up!
Am I behind because I am too busy?
Why can't I organize my time and activities like all the other seeming experts?
How are my kids processing their surroundings with constant activity?
How do we enrich our family AND handle all the other social responsibilities?
Today my brain seems capable!
Today my brain might start giving off sparks!
Well, teaching in a private school the past three weeks has already revealed a lot of useful perspective that will help me better manage my time as a homeschool mom. I hate being my own boss because I second-guess myself with every decision that regards duty or fun. Being under someone else's authority and someone else's schedule is relieving to me after the past 5+ years of either being way too hard on myself or way too lenient. Oh, the extremes.
Now I have a better idea of what shaping lesson plans requires of my time and energy. Also, I am really strange and relationally neurotic, but I get really anxious doing something other than giving my kids 100% instructional attention every day, whether it's just for fun or character building or being their tour guide through this big world. If my husband is at work and can't be with them, then I feel guilty doing anything personally enjoyable, any housework, any homeschool planning while the boys are awake. Now that they can play well together, I am lightening up on myself... but my tendency toward helicopter parenting is a recipe for resentment and codependent tendencies that don't help us. This teaching job has been very eye-opening for my personal capabilities, as well as my kids'.
Trying to connect with teenagers is good. Not easy or fun some of the time, but good.
The length of this opportunity is just right; three weeks down, six more weeks to go. I miss my babies so much! And they miss me. By Friday we're all a mess. Our older said to me one day, on the way home from my sister's, where they usually stay while I work, "Mommy, when we get home, will you just hold me?" And our younger (2 in December) still nurses all.night.long., as well as at naptime (before and during). He is actually napping very well, but we are both ready to see each other and get mommy milk cuddles when I pick him up. I have been pumping at lunch time, since he isn't eating as usual on weekdays. Leaky boobs in front of teenagers just sounds awful... but maybe it wouldn't be an issue at this point. "Neurotic Nicoll"--i say it for many reasons!
Like I said, this perspective of a full-time teacher is a gift for making me a more successful homemaker and homeschool mom... but I sure am thankful I will be with my babies again soon! We're all calmer and more at peace. Everyone is different, but I wanna be with them in our home.
I have been running before school in the dark mornings (on the treadmill) or when I get home... in the dark evenings (on the treadmill). I plan to officially start training Thanksgiving week for my first full marathon in April. I am so excited! And terrified! :) I plan to get some safety lights for running in the dark to get outside more.
Oh, and our house: a DISASTER! (My mother-in-law stayed with us this past week because she wanted to help. She is the only reason any laundry or dishes were cleaned. Many thanks to her!)
Two cloth diaper pads have had to be thrown out because they were forgotten in a bag for too many days with no washing. Ew. I think we're doing pretty well.
Father-God, you are good.
homeschool mom?
teaching professionally?
Some other career?
Will my kids have strong, eternal character traits?
My kids learning in our home, quietly, one-on-one (well, one-on-two)?
Will we have more babies?
Will my kids be unkind teens making inappropriate jokes in class with friends?
What if my kids become hateful, disrespectful adults?
EVERYTHING is my fault! Why don't I know more!?
cozy clothes all day at home?
dress respectably to feel more attuned to the day's unpredictability?
Planning curriculum with two little people constantly talking to me? What?! How?!
Organizing this crazy mess?
Clean the house every single second of every single day, making zero progress?
Will I get all my runs in this week?
Am I a terrible mommy for enjoying running, since it requires time?
Set scheduling boundaries to accomplish everything in an always messy and useful home?
I got up at 5, worked non-stop, and I still can't get even close to caught up!
Am I behind because I am too busy?
Why can't I organize my time and activities like all the other seeming experts?
How are my kids processing their surroundings with constant activity?
How do we enrich our family AND handle all the other social responsibilities?
Today my brain seems capable!
Today my brain might start giving off sparks!
Well, teaching in a private school the past three weeks has already revealed a lot of useful perspective that will help me better manage my time as a homeschool mom. I hate being my own boss because I second-guess myself with every decision that regards duty or fun. Being under someone else's authority and someone else's schedule is relieving to me after the past 5+ years of either being way too hard on myself or way too lenient. Oh, the extremes.
Now I have a better idea of what shaping lesson plans requires of my time and energy. Also, I am really strange and relationally neurotic, but I get really anxious doing something other than giving my kids 100% instructional attention every day, whether it's just for fun or character building or being their tour guide through this big world. If my husband is at work and can't be with them, then I feel guilty doing anything personally enjoyable, any housework, any homeschool planning while the boys are awake. Now that they can play well together, I am lightening up on myself... but my tendency toward helicopter parenting is a recipe for resentment and codependent tendencies that don't help us. This teaching job has been very eye-opening for my personal capabilities, as well as my kids'.
Trying to connect with teenagers is good. Not easy or fun some of the time, but good.
The length of this opportunity is just right; three weeks down, six more weeks to go. I miss my babies so much! And they miss me. By Friday we're all a mess. Our older said to me one day, on the way home from my sister's, where they usually stay while I work, "Mommy, when we get home, will you just hold me?" And our younger (2 in December) still nurses all.night.long., as well as at naptime (before and during). He is actually napping very well, but we are both ready to see each other and get mommy milk cuddles when I pick him up. I have been pumping at lunch time, since he isn't eating as usual on weekdays. Leaky boobs in front of teenagers just sounds awful... but maybe it wouldn't be an issue at this point. "Neurotic Nicoll"--i say it for many reasons!
Like I said, this perspective of a full-time teacher is a gift for making me a more successful homemaker and homeschool mom... but I sure am thankful I will be with my babies again soon! We're all calmer and more at peace. Everyone is different, but I wanna be with them in our home.
I have been running before school in the dark mornings (on the treadmill) or when I get home... in the dark evenings (on the treadmill). I plan to officially start training Thanksgiving week for my first full marathon in April. I am so excited! And terrified! :) I plan to get some safety lights for running in the dark to get outside more.
Oh, and our house: a DISASTER! (My mother-in-law stayed with us this past week because she wanted to help. She is the only reason any laundry or dishes were cleaned. Many thanks to her!)
Two cloth diaper pads have had to be thrown out because they were forgotten in a bag for too many days with no washing. Ew. I think we're doing pretty well.
Father-God, you are good.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Anti-apathy: Make Them Thirsty
Hearts clouded with apathy cause me pain -- especially when they're full of potential and passion behind all the smog. I pray for the humility of reality to break through the fog and shock them to life.
Numbness bothers me for the same reason. I pray strength for hearts that are afraid to feel.
Communicating with apathetic or numb hearts is so challenging. I want to influence and inspire people, to sensitize them. God has given us so many meaningful experiences to make us wealthy with eternal, unseen characteristics. But how do I reach walled-up hearts?
I want them to know how loved they are.
I want them to accept grace.
I want them to find joy.
To find peace.
I hope they'll seek.
I hope they'll ask.
I hope they'll knock.
But they don't know they've lost anything.
They aren't aware of the question.
They don't even see a house, much less a door.
One of my prayers lately has been for God to help me communicate effectively to people in my path who are apathetic. I want to jolt their awareness and appreciation of God's goodness versus this world's, and the church's, illness. I don't want to push them away, though. I am so afraid of being too personal or too guarded; I want to be genuine. Wisdom, Father-God, please give me wisdom.
Please let your abundant Spirit inside me, boiling with compassion for everyone to have this joy through Your love, splash on thirsty hearts with withered seeds of hope. I was withered, and You breathed life into me, numerous times. What is the balance between my expression of YOUR goodness? Obviously, I have responsibility to share You... but You do the growing.
My Bible study from Colossians pointed me a little closer to finding a solution. I know I am the salt of the earth. Jesus told me that in Matthew 5:13. I just thought that meant I keep purpose in the earth, the potential to spread God's love, by my faith--along with all my siblings in Christ.
But I got a new perspective today about my saltiness, one I want to share. This is from SheReadsTruth.com, regarding Colossians 4:6 ("Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.") from the Day 11 study by Kaitlin Wernet:
So, Father-God, please give me gracious speech (or silence, when best) about all the freedom You've given me. Without You, I'd be little more than a bitter, lustful woman, lost in my fears and insecurities. Thank You for telling me my potential through Your possibilities, instead of shaming me by evil's limitations. Take me, use me as Your vessel. Shake me so Your Spirit can sprinkle all over the blandness. In Jesus, I thank you!
Numbness bothers me for the same reason. I pray strength for hearts that are afraid to feel.
Communicating with apathetic or numb hearts is so challenging. I want to influence and inspire people, to sensitize them. God has given us so many meaningful experiences to make us wealthy with eternal, unseen characteristics. But how do I reach walled-up hearts?
I want them to know how loved they are.
I want them to accept grace.
I want them to find joy.
To find peace.
I hope they'll seek.
I hope they'll ask.
I hope they'll knock.
But they don't know they've lost anything.
They aren't aware of the question.
They don't even see a house, much less a door.
One of my prayers lately has been for God to help me communicate effectively to people in my path who are apathetic. I want to jolt their awareness and appreciation of God's goodness versus this world's, and the church's, illness. I don't want to push them away, though. I am so afraid of being too personal or too guarded; I want to be genuine. Wisdom, Father-God, please give me wisdom.
Please let your abundant Spirit inside me, boiling with compassion for everyone to have this joy through Your love, splash on thirsty hearts with withered seeds of hope. I was withered, and You breathed life into me, numerous times. What is the balance between my expression of YOUR goodness? Obviously, I have responsibility to share You... but You do the growing.
My Bible study from Colossians pointed me a little closer to finding a solution. I know I am the salt of the earth. Jesus told me that in Matthew 5:13. I just thought that meant I keep purpose in the earth, the potential to spread God's love, by my faith--along with all my siblings in Christ.
But I got a new perspective today about my saltiness, one I want to share. This is from SheReadsTruth.com, regarding Colossians 4:6 ("Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.") from the Day 11 study by Kaitlin Wernet:
"Salt causes thirst. God’s Word doesn’t need our PR efforts. Its mere mention causes sin to salivate for grace. Our job is not to concoct our own savory presentation of the gospel; every ingredient was chosen to feed our own innate hunger. Instead, our task is to speak words from our personal thirst, pointing to the source of Living Water (John 7:37-39)."
So, Father-God, please give me gracious speech (or silence, when best) about all the freedom You've given me. Without You, I'd be little more than a bitter, lustful woman, lost in my fears and insecurities. Thank You for telling me my potential through Your possibilities, instead of shaming me by evil's limitations. Take me, use me as Your vessel. Shake me so Your Spirit can sprinkle all over the blandness. In Jesus, I thank you!
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